G wrote and told me that he was checking with some net friends of his who might be able to help him resurrect Daniels Stories. G knew fuck all about putting a site together, so he just wrote the stories and left it to Dave to do the webmastering. But Daniel wasn’t one of Dave’s priorities. Days would pass without anything happening. And when it did, there would be mistakes. That used to make G so damn mad!
Cape Town, South Africa
Meantime, I had a dispute of my own to settle. The rugby dude who punched my lights out and I were gonna sort things out in the boxing ring. That was the way disputes were normally settled at school, with the coach present to make sure everyone followed the rules. Yeah, right. That didn’t help much.
When I got home, my mom wanted to know if I’d been hit by a bus. I felt like shit, and wrote G to tell him so. Hehehe – damn it hurts when I laugh. My face is looking good now, though. Can hardly see the bruise that was there. I dunno what my mom did to sort it out. I think she just kissed it better or something.
I’ve got a nice bruise on my ribs, though. And I doubt if I’m gonna be able to swim – definitely not butterfly. But I’ll still swim strokes just to get into the pool.
I also shared some of my thoughts about Damian, the Boy Godz dude and member of the Earth Boys with me and TJ. Damian is OK but I think he’s got seriously low self esteem. Nice word, huh? I learned that from my dad. He was telling me that before you go around teasing guys for being different, find out why. He says a lotta the time it’s cos they get beaten at home or abused – or maybe they’re just not liked by their peers. And he says that sometimes parents don’t even love their kids. That’s crazy. Why have kids then?
Anyway, I think Damian has got this prob where he needs to prove himself to people. But I think he really is a nice guy, and he has been damn good to me.
But when he gets all possessive and obsessive like that, he starts coming on real heavy and starts laying guilt trips on me, and that gets me down.
G replied by saying that a large part of Damian’s problem was due to his having wealthy parents who were globe-trotting a lot of the time, leaving Damian home alone. He didn’t even go to school. He had a tutor who visited his house. What kinda life was that for a teen?
I got the shock of my life next day at school. That rugby dude I was boxing has got the best fucking shiner you’ve ever seen. All the guys are coming up to me and acting like I’m a hero! His eye’s all puffed up and blue as night. Fucking hell, I didn’t know I did that. He told me I put up a good fight, and that we should just be friends and forget about it. YEAH, RIGHT! AFTER I’VE TOLD THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD ABOUT HIS SHINER!!! Blue, blue, blue, blue, blue is my favorite color – hehehe. Paul is raving! The fucker smacked me in the stomach [to congratulate me] and it is sooo damn tender.
Actually, I must calm down – hehehehe. But fuck it feels so good. Sorry for all the swearing but I feel on top of the fucking world now.
HEY!!! G, what was that about delicious in your last note? How do you know I’m delicious? Was that your tongue wrapping around my cockhead while I was sleeping last night? Thought it was my dog – hehehe.
Well, the swimming went better than I thought it would. Seemed like my rib wasn’t damaged cos it was getting easier as I was swimming along. My dad said that it was probably my lats being hammered where the guy kept hitting me in the boxing ring – and maybe that I was lucky that that’s all the damage I got.
Convo between G and me:
Anyway, I’m gonna try the butterfly this morning to see how it goes. My cousin will be arriving late this afternoon so I’ve gotta try to raid my dad’s booze cabinet and line up the drinks for him – hehehe. The last time my cousin got drunk he got pretty friendly. :)
Did dave give you any reasons why he’s chucking the site?
“Heaps. He thinks I don’t respect him or trust him – personally or professionally. I said I’m tired of the fighting. Go ahead and quit.”
I hope that you guys at least leave on a friendly note. It’s not cool for guys to be angry at each other all the time.
“You’re right, and I think that’s one of the reasons I’ve been so tired and irritable lately. I think we’re both relieved. And, yeah, he’s in a better mood now that it’s over. Me, too. The pressure’s off.”
I remember once two of my dad’s friends started this small business. Before long they were at each other’s throats, arguing and fighting all the time.
“There’s an old saying: the only ship that’s guaranteed to sink is a partnership.” :)
So maybe with the business side of things outta the way you guys can be friends again.
“As I said to him, when this page of history yellows with age, maybe we can be friends again. I think we both realize now that we’re not cut out to be in biz together. He’s too pig-headed and I’m too totally scrumptious and loveable.” :)
I ended the mail by telling G that I wasn’t sure when I’d be leaving with my cousin and the other guys for the river where we’d be spending Easter camping, but that I’d be sure to get on the net before then “to say goodbye or something”. G would get all worried if I disappeared without letting him know where I was gonna be.
[If Cody told me about the Easter camping trip, it’s missing. The next mail I have from him is about planning the hike trip for Paul. MrB]
Sorry I never wrote you earlier. We went shopping for the stuff we need for the hike, then we went surfing.
I’m supposed to have an early night, and everyone’s sleeping, so I thought I’d better writeya so you don’t think I’m being rude or something.
We’re leaving early tomorrow morning and coming back on Sunday night; then things will probably sorta get back to normal. I haven’t even updated my home page this week.
Talking about that, remember that great surfing pic you sent me? The one I said looks a bit like me? I’ve lost it – or can’t find it anyway. Could you send it to me again? It must be on one of those 500 disks you’ve got – hehehe.
My cousin jacked off in the shower tonight. I know cos he forgot to clean some of his juice off the tiles, and I showered right after him. His juice is quite thick – like mayo. I’m gonna pull the covers offa him now and jack off while I watch him – he sleeps with these neat fleecy gym shorts on, so I think I must see just how wide the legs of those things are. He has got such a cool dick – all veiny and smooth. His balls hang quite low, though, and it looks like two ping pong balls in little pockets – hehehe.
Actually, maybe I’ll just jack off and juice him and leave him like that – all sticky – hehehe. Yeah, right. He’d beat the crap outta me if I did that.
Anyway, Gary, I’m gonna be going now. I’m looking forward to the hike. It’ll be the last one with Paul. He was with me all day today. It was so cool.
It wasn’t often that I gave G a hug or wrote “loveya”. I told him that if I did that kinda thing all the time, it would become ordinary and expected. So I saved stuff like that for special occasions cos I knew it would make the old dude feel good.
After the hike with Paul and the guys, the reality began to dawn on us that we would never be doing stuff like that together again. We’d been practically inseparable since we were in kindergarten together. It had seemed to us that we would know each other all our lives; that we would be best buds forever.
“I can’t imagine us not being together, Code. No more surfing, no more hiking, no more being together at our special place on the mountain.”
“No more sex.”
“Trust you to say that.”
“It’s true, though.”
“Is that all you like me for?”
“You know that’s a bullshit thing to say, Paul. We’re closer than bros. I don’t know how the fuck I’m gonna cope when you’re gone. Writing G helps, but I can’t be relying on email to keep me going. Which reminds me, are you gonna write me everyday?”
“I won’t need to. I’ve been thinking, Code. I don’t wanna go and you don’t want me to go. So I won’t go.”
“Yeah, right. You’ve got no choice, Paul.”
“We have a choice – you and me.”
“We do? Like what?”
It seemed like the perfect solution, so I agreed. One night, after everyone was asleep, Paul and I got into his dad’s car. We already had the motor running, and a hose attached to the exhaust. We’d put the hose through the rear window, which had been wound down about an inch.
Our plan was to make the best love ever: to suck each other’s boners, shoot our loads, and then just go to sleep. It was just too easy. We would be lovers forever, and never have to be parted. Kinda like Romeo and Juliet, ‘cept we were guys. That was the problem. How the fuck could we have explained to our folks that we were lovers? And that we desperately wanted to be together? FOREVER!
Offing ourselves would never have been an option if Paul’s folks hadn’t decided to emmigrate to England. We were the happiest dudes ever, enjoying every day. We were on the swim team, we were good students, we loved the outdoors and the mountain, we were two of the best surfers in our hood, and we had each other. ‘Til now.
Paul’s cock was in my mouth. I could hear the drone of the idling motor, and smell the gas fumes. Pretty soon, I would become drowsy and just fade away with my best bud to be with him for all eternity.
It was then, at that crucial moment, that Cody remembered something from Daniel's Diary: “Kyle's email was a long one. He told me how he was a total fucking mess at the airport. But he said it was cool to have the memories of our week in Cape Town, and that he’d jacked off a heap of times thinking about the night he put my legs over his shoulders and fucked me. He asked me about the bottle and the 'spare' pair of Speedos in my bag. Spare pair of Speedos?
I rummaged through my rucksack and found them. Kyle's!!! I held them to my face and smelt his wild scent. My cock responded. My tongue found his dried cum stains. I put the bottle of his juice on my bedside table and wrote back thanking him, and telling him that I missed him like fucking hell. I also mentioned my dog, Kyle, and the new pool.”
For some weird reason I began to remember the Daniel story about how he’d managed to handle leaving me behind in Cape Town when he returned home to Florida. Hey, if Daniel could do it – if he could handle it - so could Paul and I.
“Paul? We can’t go through with this. Our folks are gonna find us in the morning with our cocks in each other’s mouths. We can’t do it. We can’t hurt them like that. What will our friends think?” And with that I turned off the car’s ignition and opened the doors. We both coughed for a while, gulping in the cool, sweet, fresh air that would save our young lives. Then I explained to Paul that I’d remembered the Daniel story, and how Daniel had overcome his heartbreak at having to leave Cape Town.
It took me a minute or two to convince Paul that suicide was not the answer; that somehow we would both live to see a brighter future. When we had come to our senses, we realized how fucking close we had come to death, and it scared the shit outta both of us. The scariest thing was… that it was just so easy.
From a MrB interview with Cody:
MrB: You once came very close to suicide, or "offing yourself" as you put it. What is your message to other teens who might consider suicide?
Captain: well unless youve come close to doin somethin like that youll never know just how fuckin down you are at the time - and just how close you are to doin the most drastic thing ever - so down that you dont think str8 - fuck you just dont think. as soon as you feel like that - call a friend - your folks - anyone. you need to know that theres always somethin to live for and that theres always someone out there for you.
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Codeman Part 9