Part 72

There were tears in Matt's eyes as he told us his horrific story. I handed him the box of mom's tissues which was always on the coffee table, and waited for him to dry his eyes and blow his nose. Jo and Freddie felt the same as I did, I guessed. We were all too stunned to know what to say. The kid had been fucking stupid to trust those guys and to accept their offer of grass, but there wasn't much he could have done about the rape. Yeah, it was fucking rape, alright. After a few moments, Matt continued.

"Anyway, I went through to the kitchen to get something to eat and Gaz was there eating breakfast. He laughed when he saw me. "Matt, I'm gonna screw you today. I don't normally screw virgins, but you're not a virgin any more." I lost it and told him to fuck off and go screw his hand. I could tell that he was getting aggro but, I swear, I would've hurt him bad if he'd decided to stand up to me then.
"Kim and Slobodan had disappeared to the main bedroom for most of the morning, and I guessed they were screwing each other stupid judging by the sounds I could hear.

"Just before lunch, Kim and I left the farm for his place. All I wanted to do was get home but Kim talked me into staying with him for a few more days. I liked him a lot, in spite of everything. He was like a puppy around me. I guess he had the guilts pretty bad for getting me into that situation at the farm. I had oral sex with him a few times during those last few days.

"The night before I left, Kim handed me $100. "What the fuck is that for?" "It's from Slobodan." "I don't want it." "It's a gift, Matt, nothing else." "And what's my return gift? Let him fuck me again, huh?" "Matt, if you don't take it, I'll burn it, I promise." "Screw you and Slobodan's money."

"He took a lighter and started to burn one of the bills before I grabbed it. "I'll think of something to do with it."

"We'll meet again, Matt. I'm sorry for what happened but I really like you a lot. You also like me a little bit -- I think."

"By the way, who's Gaz?"

"He's a local from around here. He sees Slobodan every weekend."

"Is he also sixteen?"


"On that last night, Kim and I made love. It was pretty damn special. I honestly felt that Kim was treating me gentler. No, we didn't screw each other. He wanted me to screw him but I wasn't into it.

"I took a bus home. My mind was racing the whole time with all sorts of things. The one special thing I'd been saving was ruined by a stranger. I still didn't understand the setup between Slobodan and Kim, and tried to figure it out. Smoking grass? Well, I've promised myself that I'll never do it again. I lost control and I can't afford that. I didn't like it.

"What would my friends think of me if they found out? I thought about that a lot and realized that I'd have to tell someone I could trust. Then Jo and Freddie told me about you. I had to tell you, 'cause there was no one else I could turn to -- not to help but just to listen and, hopefully, understand.

"The worst part was on the night I got home. There was a phone call. It was Slobodan. My folks wanted to know who it was and I told them it was a buddy I met on the trip. Slobodan said he was gonna visit my town and wanted to meet with me at his hotel. I don't know how the fuck he got my number, unless I gave it to him when I was all smoked up.

"No way."

"There's another $100 in it for you, Matt. But it's more than that. I think I'm in love with you."

"Har-de-fucking-har! No way, Jose."

"Hey, fucker, who knows that you're a faggot? Do your folks know? Your school buddies?"

"So who the fuck knows that you're a pedo who fucks thirteen year olds?"

"The phone went dead, but it left me pretty shaken for a long while. He hasn't phoned again -- yet. And I sure hope he doesn't.

"Well, that's about the story, guys, as best as I can remember it. There's a lot I can't remember, and maybe it's just as well. I know you guys are probably disappointed in me and I need to say I'm sorry. I know that a lotta my friends would never expect me to get into such serious crap. I also know that I could've said no to those guys and, at the end of the day, Kim probably would've liked and respected me more for standing up to them.

"Well, I guess I've just gotta start over again. I've learnt a huge lesson, and wondered about what might happen if I ended up at a place like that again -- where I couldn't escape. What if? Well, I guess I can only answer that question if it happens.

"Some of my friends have noticed a change in me. One of my bestest buds told me that he wanted the old Matt back again. He said I should go down to the bay and just watch the sun rise. "Whatever's bugging you man, you need to lock it away. I need you so damn much." So I got up real early and went down to the bay. He was right. I sat there and watched the first rays of dawn peeking over the hill. It made me feel a whole bunch better. I thought how everything that had happened to me was like some surreal painting that should be hung in the attic or basement or somewhere where it couldn't be seen.

"I laid awake the other night thinking about Kim. He seemed to be pretty strong and I hope he can get out of the mess he's in. Gaz I feel sorry for. I think he's way too gone.

By the time Jo, Freddie and I had taken turns hugging the crap out of Matt, we were all crying like a bunch of fucking school girls. It was some minutes before we'd all manged to compose ourselves. I grabbed another three Pepsis.
"That was one helluva story, Matt, and I don't really know what to say except that you were a fucking jerk for letting those guys corner you like that. Anyway, that's done and there's nothing you can do about it. But, one thing sticks in my mind, man. You said you've gotta start over. Well, I don't figure it that way, Matt. How old are you?"

"Going on seventeen."

"K, so what's seventeen times three hundred and sixty five? Lemme get the calculator." I punched in the numbers. "K, so that's over six thousand days you've lived, man."

"You forgot about leap years," Jo interrupted.

"Shuddup, Jo, or I'll tie your dick in a knot. Anyway, Matt, what happened to you in just a few days shouldn't affect all those other days, or the ones in the future. It's all out of fucking proportion, dude. So I figure, rather than start over, you should just pick up where you left off. Don't let those assholes change you -- you're too good for that. I'm not saying you'll ever forget what happened, but I am saying that you've gotta see it in its true perspective. Whoa! I didn't even know I knew that word. Perspective. Cool! Anyway, are you with me?"

"Yeah, Daniel, I'm with you. And thanks for not yelling at me."

"And another thing, dude, anytime you wanna lean on somebody, I'm here for you. OK?" I shouldn't have said that 'cause we all started blubbering like damn girls again, and hugging each other for ages.

As first light began to filter through the curtains in my room, I thought about how I'd felt waking up on the beach just a few days earlier. It all seemed so far away now, like a dream. I looked around my room and realized how cool it was. Yeah, maybe a change every now and then made you appreciate your own things a lot more. I went to the bathroom and took a long piss. It seemed strange that Paul wasn't there to enjoy it but, hey, there'd be plenty more where that came from.

A few moments later, I was in front of the comp, downloading email. The guys must've heard that I was back in town, 'cause Dick, Steve, Benny, Lindy, Kyle and the others all wrote. The one that surprised me was Matt's.
Hi Daniel,

Hey, man, I can't thank you enuf for last night. You were so damn cool and I feel a lot better now. I thought about what you said about picking up where I left off -- and you were right. I can't let that experience get out of all proportion. And guess what? I figured out what I'd do with the money that asshole Slobodan gave me. There's this little kid who lives near here. I've been teaching him how to roller blade. Anyway, he doesn't have a pair and he's always borrowing mine or somebody else's. So I'm gonna buy him a pair. Cool, huh? I could've used the money for other stuff I need but, hey, the kid needs blades.

Thanks again man. Maybe I can hang with you guys sometimes.

I was totally impressed with Matt's generosity, and that he'd put the money towards something worthwhile. It wouldn't have seemed right if he'd spent it on himself. Kyle's email was also wicked. The dude was surfing so fucking much it was a wonder he didn't do his homework out there on his stick! He and Steve had had their ups and downs but things were pretty cool. I wrote him and told him all about the two weeks in Cali, then answered the rest of my mail.

"It's too bad you couldn't make it to Andy's for dinner, Daniel," mom said over breakfast.

"Yeah, well it turned out that I was needed here. And before you say anything else, mom, it was guy stuff, so don't ask."

"That only makes me more curious, Daniel. What would happen if every time you asked me about something, I said it was girl stuff?"

"I'd respect that."

I felt the sting on my cheek from the dish cloth that mom had flicked at me. "You're just like your father. Infuriating."

"Speaking of fathers, it's gonna be really weird around here in a week or so. Do you think Andy's gonna treat me like his son?"

"You will be his son -- well, step-son."

"Kinda worries me. I mean, like I've been..." Oops! What was gonna come out of my mouth?

"You've been what?"

"I dunno. Kinda free, I guess."

"Maybe too free."

"Mom, I can't tell you what us guys were talking about last night, but I can tell you that there was no way Matt could've told his dad."

"Why not? And don't give me that 'guy stuff' routine again or I'll flick you with the dish cloth."

"It's just that older dudes come from another planet, mom. They don't understand."

"Maybe it's because you don't give them the opportunity."

"It's not like that," I said as I raised the breakfast bowl to my lips and drank the last of the milk.

"And don't lick your bowl like that. It's bad table manners."

"There ya go, mom. Don't you see? It's like kids and adults are divided into two camps -- like it was some kinda war going on. Where ever we go -- school, the movies, a dance -- there are adults crawling all over keeping an eye on us as though we were gonna take over the f... take over the world."

"Well, you just might," she laughed. "Anyway, don't go anticipating how Andy will treat you when he's living here with us. You'll only get yourself all worked up over nothing. Wait and see, son. Just wait and see."

Post Script: Matt has now returned to his usual, happy self. With the support of his friends and his own common sense, he's managed to rise above his trauma and resume his normal life. As for Slobodan [not his real name], he is a person totally devoid of humanity -- a user of children -- a vindictive and manipulative parasite. What he'd done to Matt at the farm was bad enough but, when he tried to blackmail Matt on the phone, he revealed his true inner stench. You'll eventually stew in your own putrid juice, Slobodan. Make no mistake about that. MrB

Copyright 1999 All rights reserved. mrbstories


 Daniel's Diary Part 73