Part 162

While Pop was working in his comp room, I went ahead and did a bunch of stuff in the backyard… not that there was a lot to do. Since Pop had first hired me, I'd already changed it from a tangle of Amazon jungle into something more civilized. Hmmm, I thought as I surveyed the garden, this is gonna look pretty damn neato when the rest of the guys dig out the old pool. Wicked! Meantime, I was getting paid to do nothing, and I didn't wanna rip Pop off.


"Not now, Daniel," he mumbled as he tapped away at the keyboard. "I'm in the middle of something important."

"I was just wondering if you had any other jobs for me. I've done about as much as I can in the yard."

"There's a ladder in the bathroom…"


"Damn! I meant the garage. I'm writing a bathroom scene."

"What's the bathroom scene about?" I asked as I walked over to the comp, then took a moment to check out the text on the screen. "Hot damn! Wow, Pop! You've got one helluva imagination for an old dude! That's totally rad!"

"You shouldn't be looking. Anyway, I think there are a couple of broken tiles on the… oh... Jeez... you're naked again."

"How come your eyes always go to the same spot when you see me naked?"


"You're gawking again, Pop."

"It's called being observant, Daniel. How am I supposed to write stuff if I don't observe stuff? Anyway, put your shorts on before you climb onto the roof. The neighbors will see you. Now, where was I?"

"You were up to the part where the guy dropped the soap in the shower. You really want me to put my shorts on?"

"The neighbors think I'm crazy enough as it is without you adding fuel to the fire, Daniel."

"What are they like?"

"Absolutely awesome."

"I meant the neighbors," I laughed. "You're still gawking."

"Neighbors? Oh… well, just regular neighbors. I don't really have much to do with them, but I don't want them to see you clambering over the roof without a stitch on... and with all that on show. They're a pretty conservative bunch around here, and I think one of them has a daughter."

"OK, I'll behave. Promise. By the way, Paul's gonna rock over for lunch… about 12 or so. Is that OK?"

"No problem. But be careful up on that roof. I don’t want to be sued. You'll also find some spare tiles in the garage. On the shelf above the... whatever. I forget. It's such a mess in there. One of these days I'll get it organized."

Pop was right. There were a few broken tiles on the roof, which I fixed. Then I cleared the gutters of leaves and shit that looked like it had been collecting for fucking decades. How fucking hopeless was that old dude? His whole damn house could've collapsed around him, and he'd still be tapping away at his keyboard in the midst of all the fucking billowing dust and debris. Hopeless. Totally fucking hopeless.


I turned toward the voice, and saw a young chick hanging washing in the yard next door. "Hi."

"You're doing work on Ned's place? It's about time." She was maybe fifteen or so, and pretty hot looking, with a bikini top, and brief shorts, revealing her bare midriff and cute belly button.

"Yeah, just fixing the yard and some other stuff. Hard work, 'specially in the sun."

"You're sweating."

"Yeah." Her eyes were all over me as if she'd never seen a guy's bod before. "Keeps me fit, though."

"I can see that," she giggled, then pegged a pair of panties to the clothes line.

Damn! Why did I promise Pop that I'd wear my shorts while I was on the roof? This was the perfect opportunity to show off… and I loved to show off. "Oh?"

"Your shorts are soaked. Pity I didn't see you before… I could've washed them for you."

"And what would I wear in the meantime?"

"You could borrow one of Ned's towels."

"I call him Pop. Anyway, you gonna do another load? Of washing, that is?"

"I might."

"Cool." I pulled my shorts down, then stepped outa them before throwing them over the fence. Her eyes were instantly riveted to my throbber. "Sorry about the boner. Must be the heat or something. Hello? Anybody home? My shorts are on the lawn next to you."

"Oh! Uh… I'll wash them," she said as she stooped to pick them up. "Are you gonna be on the roof later?"

"Finished up here."

"Are you gonna be around later?"

"No choice… not unless I wanna blade home naked. And with this damn thing bouncing around."

"I'll knock on Ned's door when your shorts are dry."


"Are you OK?" Pop asked as I began to descend the ladder. He was standing directly below me. "I heard voices."

"Yep. Your neighbor's gonna wash my shorts."


"The ones I'm not wearing."

"Not wearing? Oh… not wearing." Then the penny dropped. "Not wearing? Daniel! You're not wearing your shorts!"

I paused about halfway down the ladder, with one foot raised a rung above the other. "Peace out, Pop. Nobody saw me… well, except for the girl next door. Pop?"


"You're gawking again."

I wasn't quite sure what Pop said, but it sounded like "you're fucking impossible" as he headed for the back door, then vanished into the kitchen, where I caught up with him a moment later.

"I fixed the tiles, and cleaned the gutters."

"And paraded yourself in front of that young girl. What do you want on your sandwiches? And I won't be surprised if this whole incident makes the six o'clock news."

"Jeez, you crack me up, Pop. What's it like when I'm not here?"

"Predictable. And safe!"

"Hey, I think that chick wants to blow me. If she'd been twenty feet tall, she would've. Woohoo!"

"I've got ham, chicken, pastrami…" Pop studied the rest of the contents of the fridge. "Cheese, pickle, lettuce…"

"Hey, Pop, whatever. Paul likes the same stuff I do. Anyway, you're not listening."

"Do you blame me?"

"What's the biggie? She saw me naked… a guy with a boner. We're half the world's population, man."

"Do you like grated carrot?"

"She's gonna knock on your door when my shorts are dry."

"I'll be in my room… with the door locked. Grated carrot?"

"Yeppo. Hey, Pop. You know something? You're totally cool the way you are. I dig it. Don't ever change, not even if I get mad at you. Promise? You wanna hand with the sandwiches?" I took the loaf of multi-grain bread from Pop, and a tub of butter, then set about spreading each slice of bread. "Are you really gonna lock your door?"

"Absolutely. And padlock it. It'll be safer than a Chubb. And you didn't say whether you wanted ham, chicken or pastrami."

"Put it all on."

"All on? Daniel, you don't have all those things together on the one sandwich!"

"Why not?"

"Because… you don't… that's why."

"So I'll invent a new sandwich… Daniel's Killer Sarmie… sarmie is what my bud Kyle calls a sandwich. He's South African. Totally kewl guy. Awesome bod. Wicked dude."

"Is she really going to knock on my door?"


"The girl from next door."

"That's what she said."

"So how will you answer? I'll be in my room."

"I'll answer like this."


"Hey, Pop, she's already seen me naked… boner, blonde pubes, the works."

"Yes... but she won't need to be twenty feet tall, Daniel. I mean… she might…"

"No 'might' about it, Pop," I cracked. "You wanna watch?"

"Are you sure you want ham, chicken and pastrami all on the one sandwich?"

"Go for it… plus lettuce, tomato and pickle. You can watch if you wanna. Won't bother me. I mean about the girl next door."

"How can you be so… so… uninhibited? Everything seems so damn natural to you. Even the most private of things."

"Hey, Pop. I don't do anything unnatural. Everything I do is natural. There's nothing I do that I'm ashamed of. Why should I be? Sex is natural, man. By the way, what happened to the guy who dropped the soap in your story?"

"I never thought in my wildest dreams that I'd ever meet somebody like you. It's as though you've materialized outa one of my stories… a fantasy magically transformed into living, breathing flesh."

"Hungry flesh, man. These sandwiches look fucking wicked. Woohoo! What's the time? Paul should be here soon."

"Will he be naked, too?"

"Yep. Not as hunky as me, though," I grinned. "So what happened to the guy who dropped the soap?"

"Oh, my God! There's the door. I'll answer it. You stay outa sight. It could be… who knows? Oh, Jesus! Probably the girl's mother! Anyway, stay here. And don't move an inch!" Pop paused at the doorway to check if I'd heard his order. "Not one inch! Understand?"

"Paul!" I high-fived my bud as he bladed into the kitchen a few moments later.

"Hey! This is so damn cool, man. My folks wouldn't allow me blade though the house like this. Awesome! How's it goin', bro?"

"Cool, bro. Pop and I just made a totally wicked lunch. Daniel's Killer Sarmies. They've got everything on 'em. Check 'em out. Fucking everything. Way cool."

I watched Paul lift the top slice of bread from one of the sandwiches, and investigate the contents. "Including your spooge?"

"Hey, show a bit of decorum, man. This is Pop's house."

"Yeah, right," Paul grinned as he rolled his blue eyes. "You're totally naked, Daniel. And you've got a boner… almost. That's decorum? Gimme a break, man."

"There's soda or beer in the fridge, guys. Help yourselves," Pop said as he arrived. "I'll leave you to it while I go back to the computer."

"You're not gonna eat lunch with us?"

"Well, I was sort of in the middle of something and…"

"Yeah, right, the guy who dropped the soap. And you still haven't told me what happened. Hey, Pop, have lunch with us. Please? We can eat in the garden… MY garden! I've worked my damn ass off out there!"

"Looks perfectly intact to me."

"Woohoo!" I cracked. "Pop's finally getting sense of humor! Hey, Paul. Get your gear off, man. Pop's house is naked territory. You gonna get naked, Pop?"

"This towel was blessed by the Pope. As well as the Queen of England. Not only that, it was a gift from… Fred… uh… Fred whatshisname… Astair. So I can't take it off. "

"Jeez, you're a fucking liar, Pop," I laughed as Paul began to untie the laces of his blades. "You just don't wanna show us your weenie. Admit it, Pop."

"You're absolutely correct, Daniel. This weenie isn't for show. No way. Now stop embarrassing me, and take the sandwiches outside. I'll bring the drinks. Actually, I might have a few beforehand. Several."

Once Paul was naked, I grabbed his arm and led him toward the back door. "C'mon, dude. Check out what I've done to Pop's yard. It's fucking wicked out there."

"Whoa! Hey! This is so rad, man! This is way cool!" Paul gushed as he surveyed the yard... the trimming, the mowing, the clearing, the lopping... then pointed to one corner. "Is that where the pool is?"

"Yep… under all that earth and shit. But Muscle Teen can fix that. No prob. You should've seen this place before, man. Fucking jungle."

"Is Pop always like this?"

"You mean like nervous? Yeah. But you'll get used to him."

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 Daniel's Diary Part 163