Kyle was still asleep when I woke next morning. I didn't disturb him 'cause I wasn't ready to discuss what had happened the previous night. I couldn't stop thinking about it, though, while I was showering. There were changes occurring to me that I didn't understand, or maybe didn't wanna. Was Kyle peeling away the layers of armor that I'd built up over the years to expose the real me? The me I didn't wanna accept? Well, like it or not, I had to accept the fact that we'd jacked each other off, and that I liked it. I liked him. He was the only person in the world, apart from Carol, that I felt close to, and safe with.
He was awake by the time I'd returned to my room. "There's a fresh towel in the bathroom."
For the next several days, neither Kyle nor I spoke about the sex we'd had. I guessed that both of us were afraid of what the other might say. However, I knew that, sooner or later, Kyle would either seize an opportunity, or create one, to bring the subject into the open. He was the kinda guy who couldn't keep things bottled up. I was the opposite.
We'd been to Wipeout again with the girls, and managed to get ourselves a little bit plastered. After walking the girls home, we took a stroll down to the beach. It was a hot night, and my bud had suggested that we could chill for a while. Yeah, right. I could usually tell when that dude had some kinda ulterior motive, but I wasn't sure what it might've been.
"So, you going hiking with us again next year?"
"You better believe it! That was one of the most unbelievable experiences I've ever had."
"I'm glad you liked it, 'cause it was cool having you along."
"And the guys are all pretty great as well."
"Yeah, well, Gareth fancied your nads," he laughed, which caused me to laugh.
"He tried it once. But that was pretty cool, too… the way the guys are totally relaxed around each other."
"I thought you'd blow a gasket when he did that."
"I almost did."
"And the other night?"
I was right. The smartass would find a way to bring up that topic. Despite the openness of the beach, I was trapped. To run would've given him the impression that I couldn't handle it. "Can I be honest with you?" I asked after a long silence.
"You know you can."
"It doesn't go to Steph?"
"You fucking crazy or something? Fuck! What do you think she'd say? That's cute, Kyle? I don't think it would go down with the girls at all."
"No… just Steph."
"Let's stop here for a minute, and sit on this rock. When I was going out with Steph, I always went on about fags, and gays, and queens. I was fanatical about it. If you'd even tried to touch me back in those days, you would've ended up in hospital or worse. I don't want her thinking any different."
"Like she hasn't noticed a difference in you?"
"All of a sudden, you've got a load of friends? School prefect?"
"I don't have a load of friends, Kyle. You, Steve… sort of. Ross when I'm doing well at swimming."
"He's a cool little grommet, but I don't class him as a friend."
"Anyway, we're drifting here. You were gonna say something about being honest with me."
I gazed out into the blackness of the ocean to avoid any eye contact with my bud. "This is so damn difficult. It's just that the other night… us… I enjoyed that… and my mind is fucked up about it."
"Why? 'Cause it's supposed to be a gay thing? And you're not supposed to enjoy it?"
"Maybe. But it's 'cause I enjoyed touching you, and being touched by you. I can't explain how good it made me feel for us to be that fucking close, and… it should feel wrong."
"Well, it felt pretty cool for me, too. Not as good as the blow job I should've given you… but, hey."
"Fuck, Kyle. Don't joke about it. I'm not comfortable with this convo as it is."
"I worry as well."
I took my eyes off the ocean and looked at his face. He'd also been gazing out to sea. "About what?"
"Well, you once called me a faggot, and I was wondering if that was going through your mind the other night."
"I've never thought of you as a fag. I've already told you that. Got your attention, though, didn't I?" I laughed.
His eyes met mine. "And now?"
"If I labeled you now, then I'd have to label myself. I'm feeling kinda guilty about it, but at the same time…"
Kyle became impatient with the pregnant pause. "But at the same time?"
"I'm almost hoping that we can do that again sometime… when or if it felt right for both of us." I returned my attention to the ocean. "Fuck! Now I'm pissing you off, aren't I?"
"Yeah, right," he laughed. "Now you've given me a hardon. Wanna blow me?" There was no way I could win with Kyle. He had the timing of a pro comedian to choose the precise moment to turn drama into comedy, and I had no choice but to laugh with him. "So," he asked, "you really enjoyed it?"
"It was like when I'm with Carol, and we're naked together. But different. Fuck, I don't know what it is. I'd explain it as... explosive."
"Well, I've been thinking about being that close to you for a long time. For me, it just makes our friendship that much more special. It started months ago when I'd meet you for boxing in the morning. The shoulder rubs, the shower boners. I felt pretty close to you then. But you were just so damn paranoid about getting close to me, or any other guy. The other night -- afterwards -- when you put your leg and arm over me, and were right up close, that was pretty damn special. The jacking part was cool 'cause I could touch your cock, but just being close was special. Real special. You surprised the shit outa me when you did that."
"I guess it had gone so far, I couldn't have given a fuck by that stage. And…" I couldn't believe the words that had formed in my mind. "And I also wanted to get that close."
"Tell you what, though. If we do get another chance, I might wanna try to go further."
"You know I wouldn't let you do that. And I don't think you should try. It would just screw up everything." I studied his face again. "Have you gone further?"
"You really wanna know?"
We were in our tank tops, and the chill of the wind was kinda getting to us, so we took a slow walk back to Kyle's house where he threw his arms around me, and put his cheek next to mine. I returned the hug, and patted his back. "See ya, Kyle."
"See ya, Mark.
During the walk back to my house, I wondered what he'd meant by "going further". Was he talking about a blow job or…? A blow job I could handle… maybe. But not… the other thing. By the same token, so many changes in me had taken place, where would they end? There was also something unreal about his voice. When he spoke about personal and intimate things between us, it was like a gentle, soothing massage for my soul. Yeah. He was one helluva special guy, and he was my friend. Of all the dudes in the world I could've chosen to be my best bud, nobody, absolutely nobody, could've topped Kyle. He was unique.
After I'd stripped, and gotten into bed, the very same bed where he and I had been naked together only a few days before, I jacked off thinking about what he'd said. "The other night -- afterwards -- when you put your leg and arm over me, and were right up close, that was pretty damn special. The jacking part was cool 'cause I could touch your cock, but just being close was special. Real special. You surprised the shit outa me when you did that."
The race was on to cram as much fun into the holidays as we could. The start of the new school year was rushing headlong toward us. One night, after clubbing, Carol invited us all to sleep over at her place 'cause her folks were away. Carol and I slept in her folks' bed, while Kyle and Steph slept in Carol's.
"Steph's crazy about Kyle… says he's different to other guys."
"She should know."
"That's not a nice thing to say."
"Hey, I used to go with her, remember?"
"And she's my best friend, remember?"
"All I'm saying is that Kyle should be careful. I wouldn't like to see him get hurt. And Steph's right. He isn't like other guys. He's OAD."
"One awesome dude."
"Have you heard about Steve?"
"What about him?"
"He's got some rich divorcee on his tail. She's from over east… here on some kinda business. Anyway, she's loaded, and she's giving Steve one helluva time. Posh hotels, restaurants, clothes, money you name it."
"He's her toy boy?"
"How old is she?"
"Forty whatever… but he says she's a looker for her age."
"That guy thinks with his fucking dick."
"Show me a guy who doesn't. Anyway, he says she's taught him a whole bunch of cool stuff about sex."
"Probably kinky. That guy's only interested in one thing… a conquest. I know he's already tried to hit on you."
"And I turned him down."
"Sensible. You think he's good looking?"
"Does an elephant have big ears? Of course, I do. He's a hunk."
"So why did you turn him down?"
"Two reasons. I've got a better hunk, and he's a bit of an air head."
"What if he wasn't an air head?"
"I'd still turn him down. When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that I love you?"
"Is now a good time?"
We also hit the pizza restaurant a few times. It was almost like our clubhouse where we'd meet and chat with a lotta the guys from school, and their girlfriends. Wingnut was often there, as well, with his little blonde chick. He'd always put a smile on my face… a twelve year old with a little bimbo on his arm. It was just so damn cute. Meantime, the girls kept quizzing us about the hike. Obviously, there was a lot we'd elected not to tell them, but they were sufficiently curious to invite themselves to the next one. Yeah, right!
On the final weekend of the hols, my mom was going away again. It was an ideal opportunity to invite Kyle to sleep over. "You wanna?"
"I'll check my diary."
"Fuck your fucking diary! You gonna sleep over or not?"
"OK," he grinned. The teasing little shit.
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