No updates to MrB for a few days? What the fuck was happening here? OK, so Gary was pissed at me for what I'd written about Saddam and Daniel and all that other shit. I really wanted to know what Gary's thoughts were about what I'd written, but I guessed he was too pissed off to respond. So I wrote him again and told him that I wouldn't be hanging around the net for long. Maybe update Cody's News from time to time, but that would be it. It was obvious to me that even at great distances I could still hurt people [like Gary]. I reminded him that the fight between me and Craig was scheduled for Tuesday after school. Yeah, right. Like Gary cared?
Based on emails from October, 2002.
Uh, oh. Three days later I discovered that Gary was in hospital. I felt bad enough already about pissing off the old dude, but now it was even worse! I felt responsible for putting him under a lotta shit pressure, talking about Cody in Gary's war picture and all that bullshit. So I apologized, and told him that I'd write again when he arrived back home from hospital. "Just wanted you to know that I'll be thinking of you and... yeah, praying as well. I've written all the detail about my boxing match with Craig for you. Haven't told anyone else the details cos that's for you to use."
Peace, Love, Respect
Your friend and the Codeman's
Thinking of you
The MAN is BACK!! KEWL
"Hi, Gary. So you're back harassing everyone. Kewl! Hahahahaha! This is such a fucking relief! At least now I can start concentrating on my studies instead of trying to figure out how to get the fucking flowers to Taree."
"Below this email, I've placed all the shit I've written since Monday. Kept it like a journal of what was going through my head, and also the fight story [with Craig]."
HEADLINE: STEVE IS ONCE AGAIN CLOBBERED BY CRAIG!
"Yeah, well, after all the fucking hype going on with FunTB and my ego that kinda ran away with me, I've made a total fuckwit of myself by walking into him. I've just told everyone that I didn't beat Craig. But I kept the detail for you to use in the Steve story. What the fuck. Might as well add another example of Steve tripping over his ego to the saga."
"It's fucking cool that you're OK. You've no fucking idea the panic that spread across the net. That's why I lost the fucking fight. I've gotta have some sort of excuse, right? Next time, please get your fucking timing right. How was Cody supposed to help both of us at the same time? He was so busy with you that he missed the punch that floored me. :)"
"I couldn't have gone through the likes of 2001 again. I don't think my head would have gotten around two [deaths] in a row. And with finals [exams] looming, I could see myself doing grade 12 for a third year, and then they would probably have pensioned me from school as a senior citizen or some fucking thing."
"Hey, tell me this. You've got a fucking car. What in fuck's name possessed you to take a fucking bicycle? Are you fucking blonde or something?"
"I want you to know that I missed the after-Valedictory party. How the fuck could I have gone to the party after reading Dio's mail [about your heart attack]? No, don't feel bad about it. Fact is, I was planning on finding an excuse not to go. The snow and ice were flowing, and I wouldn't have had the fucking guts to refuse any of those offers. Bruce phoned this morning, and told me what a fucking blast I'd missed. Then he went on to tell me that, yeah, the guys were totalled and most of the girls as well. They'd organized open-top buses to do a round tour of the peninsular, which was a pretty cool idea, and the weather was spesh. There was one friend of ours who screwed his girlfriend on the bus, according to Bruce. He reckons most of the guys didn't see it cos she was sitting on his cock in such a way that nobody would have thought anything except for the looks on their faces. Hahahahaha! And probably the screaming. "I'M CUMMING, I'M CUMMING!" Hahahahaha! So it was pretty wild and I would've dug to go but I would've been sending you real shit about now if I'd gone. I still haven't gotten over wanting to take the shit, and the occasional craving. That's another reason why I think your stopping smoking is a fucking huge thing you've done."
"So tell me the dirty little details. Were any of the nurses trying to get into your night dress? Hahahahaha! Bet you got an erection every time they put their hands on you, you dirty old man. Of course, it's the male nurses I'm talking about."
"A lotta guys sent mail to me asking about you, so you can imagine the panic out there on the web. Cool that you're back. I think it's also cool that you're thinking of giving Daniel a second chance. It also gives your members an opp to see Daniel grow up and maybe get to varsity. Meantime, here's the crap that's been going through my head this week..."
MONDAY: Mail to myself. I suppose this will be more of a diary type thing cos I'm not sure if it will ever be mailed. How am I feeling right now? Scared. Not of Craig. Fuck him cos I know now that I can beat him, and I'm confident about winning our little "Joust of Egos". I'm scared of the "what if".
Wingnut has been so great during the school break making sure that I train. He's also become relaxed about our friendship. I don't want to disappoint him, and his expectations are pretty high right now about the result of the fight. I would have preferred that the venue wasn't his school, though. It just gives Craig a kind of homeground advantage.
My concentration is also screwing around at the moment because of what is happening down under. Have I upset Gary that much? By that mail I wrote? What would Cody have said about my mail to G? Would he have been pissed off as well? It would've been cool to have Cody around to talk to about it. Mind you, I wouldn't have been writing to Gary then.
I probably just need to get on with my life. Things are looking better now than they have for a whole year. My folks are turning out fucking cool. They seem to like Steph.
Last night on TV, they showed "Analyze This" on e-TV with Robert de Niro and Billy Crystal. I watched it and was wondering what I would say to an analyst. How much would I be able to open up to someone like that? Probably not too much. My folks tried that with me once before, and he [the analyst] turned out to be a fucking pedo. He couldn't wait to get me on the fucking couch. Fuck, I was a naive little lightie back then. He's a doctor, right? So it's cool if he touches me, right? So it was cool for me to get a fucking erection when he did that?
It's been good to be able to write shit down. Gives me a chance to kind of analyze myself. What has made me open up so much of my life to Gary? Not sure. I suspect that Cody felt the same way about us being so anonymous on the net... that it's cool to open up and spew out whatever we feel, and the details of what's going on here in Cape Town. Fuck! It's supposed to be Spring but the temp is still down. And how about the fucking storm we had last week? Hundreds of houses in Manenberg fucked up by a "tornado" type effect. I reckon it's got a lot to do with the cheap shit houses they built there.
So do I go ahead with another Cody News? Probably. It'll be a year since Cody's accident, and I need to just let everyone know how I still feel about him. Cry? When I think of the intimate details of our relationship, yes. Cos I miss those times that I will never have again.
How the fuck could I have fucked him over like I did? Hey, I wasn't alone. There were two of us. I hate the memory of the look on his face when he came around to my house after he'd heard about it. I'd never seen him that angry and so full of hate for anyone. Still don't know why I did it. To prove that I could get his girl? To show him that life was not just a bed of fucking roses and cooey cooey fucking coo? I don't know. I don't know why I did it. Or why Steph allowed me to do it.
Three more days of school and then that's it. No more school. Well, high school, anyway. Am I going to miss it? I'll miss some of the good friends I've made. Bruce will still be around in my shorts. Fuck knows he's been good for me this year. Not sure what I would've done if he hadn't been there to pull me out of a couple of scrapes. Chad, Nic, Jane [nice ass], blonde gymnast Oliver ... hmmm, we could've been good lovers. Two blonde dudes. Ollie and me will probably drift apart. We were only really friends at school, and I was more attracted to his looks and bod than the friendship he had to offer. Pity. I think we could've been hot buds.
Not sure what's up with Gary. No MrB updates. So I'll write to the guys I know, and find out if anyone has heard anything. A year after Cody... I'd hate to think that something has happened to him, especially after the last email I sent where I gave him my views on what he said on his site about Saddam.
So, with all this going on in my head, I have to concentrate on meeting Craig tomorrow.
TUESDAY MORNING, EARLY: Monday night I hardly slept cos of this fucking fight [with Craig]. School started again on Monday so it was kinda back to normal except that we finish up this week with a Valedictory service. Then that was the end of school officially, apart from the fucking grind of studying for finals. This is going to be quite a hectic time but I need to try and get my grades up.
Winger did a strength exercise between the two of us on Monday. He challenged me to a one for one in the abs.
"I just wanna check if you're gonna go down when Craig hits you."
We both had our shirts off and gloves on. He stood there and tensed his abs before I punched his sixpack.
"I'm not a fucking girl!" he complained. "You've gotta hit me!"
Then he shot a powerful punch into my midsection, and it rocked me. I could feel it, but I also managed to absorb it. So I felt pretty fucking cool about that. Hey, it was fucking painful but at least I was still standing. Right? Then I hit him again, and sent him taking three steps back. But he also managed to just absorb it. Winger only weighs about 58 kg but he's solid muscle.
We didn't go for too long cos our abs were red from a couple of punches. He also said that he wasn't gonna train me too hard... just sparring. The fucking liar hit me every chance he got. But there weren't that many. :) OK, so my trainer says I'm ready for Tyson, and that Craig doesn't stand a hope in hell of putting me down.
The only call I got on Monday night was from Steph. Didn't really talk about the fight cos she doesn't fancy this whole idea of me doing a one on one with Craig. She can't understand what I'm hoping to prove by being in hospital.
"Think it's gonna be that bad?"
"No. It's just that I don't want you to do it."
Time to phone Mark.
WEDNESDAY: First thing on Tuesday morning I phoned Mark. It was early cos I know what time he gets up and goes about his fitness routine, and then off to work.
"Steve? Cool. You phoning from the emergency room?"
"Fuck off! The fight is only this afternoon."
"I think you can beat him. That would be a rocking birthday gift."
"Yeah, well I was thinking about what to get you, and I couldn't think of anything cos I couldn't be there to give you a hug."
"Remembering [my birthday] is pretty cool. Cody was the only other person to phone me on my birthday if we weren't out together somewhere. But if you tried to hug me, Steve, I'd give you to Craig on a platter of chopped liver. Yours. How are you feeling about this fight?"
"Nervous. Scared. Fuck knows."
"That's normal, and it's good. You'll do OK. How are the ribs?"
"The bruise has gone down a lot but it's still tender in places. But I'm good. It's not hassling me at all."
"Give me a ring this evening. I wanna hear what happened. It's going to be a points thing with no winner really. I don't think he's gonna beat you."
So I won't be drinking my food through a straw? That's a good thing, right? Now I know what an alien feels like when he visits this planet. I'm sure Cody must've felt that way when he first arrived from Mars.
I tried to dress as casual as possible [for the fight]. Jeans and warm T. Wingnut had said that they'd give me shorts when I got there, and that I could use my normal sneakers so long as they had white soles and were nonslip. I borrowed a paira squash shoes from Bruce. "I'm totally pissed that I can't be there to see you wipe the fucking floor with that ego infested fuck."
After all the advice and training, there was no way I was losing against Craig. Mark said to let him channel his energy into his attitude while I channeled mine into my fists and head. Hey, I was nervous. Make no fucking mistake about that.
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