San Francisco
Part 18

While we sat in the living room sipping our Jack Daniels and cola, the convo got around to the local beach. "It's often cold and windy," Spencer explained, "and sometimes it can be downright chilly when the fog blows in off the ocean. That's one of the reasons people don't get naked on the beach all that much."

"All that much?"

"There are nude beaches not far from here. Just below the San Francisco end of the Golden Gate Bridge there's a portion of Baker Beach that's been "clothing optional" for years. It takes a bit of a climb over rocks to get there..."

"How do you know?"

"I've been told."

"Yeah, right."

"Anyway, it's a sheltered cove, and when it isn't too cold people go there and get naked."

"Yeah," Willie agreed, "and I'm told that it gets a bit cruisy up in the trees... y'know, like people looking for casual sex and stuff. But it's federal, and not city property, part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, and it's policed by the National Park Service. They've said that it's against their rules for people to get naked in the park, but also that they've got better things to do than check on people who aren't properly dressed. The only time they take any action is if someone makes a complaint."

"Like somebody's dick is too small?"

My joke cracked everybody up big time, then Spencer went on to tell me about some of the other nude beaches. "A few miles south, near Devil's Slide, is Gray Whale Cove, a half-mile long strip of beach surrounded by rocky cliffs. You've gotta climb down them to get there. It's a privately owned beach, and the owner collects an admission fee and sells soft drinks. Actually, it's also a "clothing optional" beach, and there's a sign that says if you're offended by that, don't go there."

"Have you been there?"

"Once, but I also have friends who have. The custom is gays to the right, straights to the left, at the entrance, but it's not strictly adhered to, so you find gays and lesbians mixing with straight couples with families, etcetera, but very rarely a teen."

"Why not?"

"I dunno about you, Daniel, but I don't wanna be gawked at by a bunch of leering, dirty old men. Or even dirty old women, for that matter. Actually, my friends tell me that the really cute boys tend not to go naked, but the middle-aged guys with a physique like a bag of laundry, for some reason, do."

"Maybe they're trying to encourage the younger guys to get their gear off. I would. Anyway, it wouldn't worry me. Pop gawks at me, and it's no biggie."

"Speaking of biggies, when I was there I saw a straight couple, 30-ish, both huge, must've been 300-pounders, both of them. At first, I thought they'd been separated from the pod and beached. Anyway, it was cool 'cause they were happily naked as a couple of elephant seals... laughing and joking, and having a great time. They were obviously fond of each other. He began to give her a back rub with a motion that looked like somebody polishing a Buick."

"They weren't embarrassed?"

"Nope. Their priorities are different to ours, I guess. They're not into scrawny, emaciated bods like yours."

"Hey! Who the fuck's scrawny?"

"Chill, Daniel. By comparision you are. Anyway, I thought it was cool to see those two people enjoying the feeling of being naked and free on a beach. They've got rights too, y'know. There's no law that says you can't enjoy yourself just 'cause you're well padded."

"Yeah," I said thoughtfully, then took a sip of my drink. "I guess we can't all be the same. I wouldn't wanna be 300 pounds, though. Jeez."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Daniel. I mean, just 'cause you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I guess it's a bit like straights who can't handle the sight of two guys holding hands or kissing. Homophobes are entitled to their opinion, but it doesn't make it right. Opinions are like assholes... everybody's got one."

"Would you like to stay in San Francisco?" Willie asked, changing the sub.

"Stay? Not sure. It's totally cool here, but I'd miss my buds. I mean, Tampa's not as exciting as your city, but I kinda feel at home there. Y'know? My folks are there, my friends are there. I guess you kinda get used to the way things are. I'd really dig to have my own house, though, like this one. It's awesome. Wow! Being your own boss and everything... not having to answer to anybody. That'd be just so damn cool!"

"So you think you'll stay in Tampa the rest of your life?"

"Maybe... maybe not. I don't think that far ahead. I'd like to visit Kyle in Cape Town again. I had a totally wicked time there, but I'm not sure I'd wanna live there. I don't think Kyle would wanna live in Tampa, either. Or even here in SF. He's pretty happy where he is. It's the same deal... home is where your folks and buds are."

"But we're your buds, too. Right?"

"Yep, and so is Kyle. But Kyle's best bud Paul went with his family to live in England... that didn't mean Kyle should go and live there, too. Would you guys wanna live in Tampa just 'cause we're buds?"

"Nope."

"So there ya go."

"Is Paul happy in England?"

"Yeah... he's made some good friends there, and he's got a girlfriend, even though he still gets off with his guy friends sometimes."

"He doesn't wanna go back to Cape Town?"

"He visited Kyle on Kyle's eighteenth birthday... stayed longer than he'd planned to... but I guess his life is now in Manchester. Same thing happened with Mark, Kyle's other best friend. Mark left Cape Town to live in Johannesburg, and he's happy there."

"It's weird," Willie said as he contemplated his glass of Jack Daniels and cola. "People get pissed off when their lives are uprooted, then they set down new roots and it's like they don't wanna go back to where they came from."

"You can't bring back the past," Spencer added, "or re-live it. Once it's gone it becomes a memory. It's like when I visited Marc and Bene in Israel... we had an awesome time, but I wouldn't wanna live there, and I don't think Marc wants to come back here to SF, at least not for now. For one thing, he's in the military over there. I guess you could say he's on a mission."

"So you're saying that one day I might leave Tampa and I won't wanna go back?"

"Sure, you'll wanna go back, but not to pick up where you left off. It's impossible to do that. Things change, people change, everything changes."

"That's kinda scary."

"It is before the change, and even during the change, but not necessarily after the change. Once you get used to the change, and get to feel comfortable with it, you don't wanna go back, at least not permanently. Anyway, can you imagine living your whole life in the one place and having the same friends forever?"

"Sure I can! I'm happy with the way things are."

"You're a teen, Daniel. You're not gonna be a teen forever."

"But I wanna be a teen forever. I don't wanna change. And what's wrong with having the same friends forever? Anyway, you're a teen, too."

"There's nothing wrong with having the same friends forever, Daniel, nothing at all. But why stop there? How are you gonna learn and experience new things if you don't branch out? Hey, you've known me for what? Two days? Tell me what you've experienced that you hadn't before."

"Willie for one," I cracked. "And gagging on two feral boners. Whoa! That was extreme!"

"Seriously."

"OK... I dig the city. It's way cool with all the cable cars and trams and stuff. And this house, and you playing the Steinway, and Bugsy... and it was neat to meet Motor Mouth... and mowing your lawn was cool... and I guess staying at the Inter-Continental is totally mindblowing -- whoa! that place is like awesome... and I love the Bridge... and seeing you guys windsurfing... and..."

"You see? That's a whole bunch of cool stuff in just two days. Are you with me?"

"Yeah, but I'm still gonna go home to Tampa."

"Sure you are, and you'll have lots of things to tell your folks and buds that you wouldn't have experienced if you hadn't visited SF. So what I'm saying is that it's not a good idea to confine your life to a narrow routine. That would only rob you of a whole bunch of potential experiences. True?"

"I guess so. Meeting you guys has been the bomb."

"It's not over yet," Willie laughed.

"You've got a one-track mind, Willie."

"Blame my boner."

"Anyway, I know where you're coming from, Spencer... change is good, and variety is cool... but I still don't like the idea of things being different... I mean, with my folks and buds and all. I just wish everything could be the same forever. I like things the way they are."

"Sure you do. And so do I. But do I want MM to be two or three years old again? And me to be nine or ten? No way! And what about Bugsy? He wasn't even a sparkle in his dad's eye four years ago, so I certainly don't wanna go back there. Lemme put it this way, do you wish you'd never visited SF and met Willie and me?"

"Of course not."

"Are there any changes in your life you regret?"

"My dad dying when I was five."

"So if you could make it possible, you'd like to be five again so that your dad would still be alive? Is that it?"

Whoa! That was a hardie. I had to take a couple of sips of my drink and think about that one for a while. "Well," I said eventually, "if I was still five, and my dad was alive, I wouldn't know Paul or Dick or Freddie or Kyle or Jason or... hell, I wouldn't know any of my buds! Including you guys. And Pop. And I wouldn't have Greg for a step bro."

"So what are you saying? That you don't wanna go back to being five forever?"

"I guess so. That doesn't mean I don't love my dad, though. Or, at least, his memory. I mean, I wish my dad was still alive but..." What was I saying? That I was willing to sacrifice my dad for my buds and step bro?

"But what?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe I wish my dad was still here but that everything else was the same."

"Not everything. You wouldn't have a step bro."

"I don't know what to think. It's all too confusing. I love Greg. He's the best bro a guy could wish for. It's just that if I had to choose..."

"You don't have to choose, Daniel. Your dad's gone, and Greg's here. That's the reality. Losing Greg won't bring your dad back. Nothing can resurrect the past. Absolutely nothing. And that's why nothing can ever stay the same. Anyway, if things stayed the same, we'd all be bored shitless. Take me for example. I'm going to college as a business major to help run my family's business in the future. Right? That means things are gonna change. My dad will retire one day, and I'll be running the show."

"Yeah, but you're smart. What about me? What am I gonna be like when I'm thirty or whatever? I won't be a teen anymore. I won't be able to strut my stuff and do rad things. Can you imagine Paul at thirty wanting me to piss on him?" I hadn't realized how funny that remark was until I visualized it, then dissolved into hysterical laugher. "Actually," I continued once I'd caught my breath, "it's not really that funny. I don't wanna be thirty. I won't be me anymore."

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