Sydney/Taree Australia
Part 24

Col decided to pass when he was offered a glass from the second bottle of wine 'cause he had to drive home, so he settled for coffee. Meantime, B was explaining more about the way our minds perceived things as opposed to what our eyes actually saw. "I don't think any of us would wanna make wild passionate love to a hippo," he chuckled, "but a hippo to another hippo is a pretty awesome sight, which means that hippos don't see themselves as we do. Moreover, not all humans see each other the same way. I had almost zero self-esteem before I met you, Daniel, and started writing about you. But you turned that around. I'm not quite sure what you see in me, but whatever it is I'm glad you do."

"So you see yourself through my eyes?"

"Yep, and it's a helluva lot better than seeing myself through my own eyes. I much prefer your version," he laughed. "But the gift you've given me has a multiplying or exponential effect. My own self-esteem attracts the esteem of others, even if some choose to piss on me." That comment cracked us all up big time. "And it's the same with you, Daniel," he smiled after the giggling had subsided. "You have confidence and personality to burn, and I think that's the result of other people holding you in high esteem. It's not so much what we think of ourselves, but what others think of us that makes us what we are. And I'm sure the same thing can be said for Colin and Jeffrey."

"But what if nobody likes you?" Jeff asked. "How can you get self-esteem then?"

"There will always be people who like you, Jeff, but they won't necessarily come knocking on your door. You can get pizza delivered, but you can't get friendship delivered. You have to go look for it, and be prepared to take risks to get it. Many people are afraid to look for love and friendship 'cause they're paranoid about being rejected. Handling rejection is a very difficult thing to do. Some people give up trying after having been rejected. But as any salesman will tell you, you often have to knock on ten doors before one opens. Some people can be lucky, though, and have the first or second door open."

"How many doors did you knock on before you met Daniel?"

"Hundreds," the old dude smiled, then took a sip of wine. "I almost wore out my knuckles, but it was worth it."

"Did you ever think of giving up?"

"Many, many times. I was getting to the point where I was convinced that life had passed me by."

"You're embarrassing me, B," I interrupted.

"Shuddup, Daniel. I'm doing the bloody talking here, not you. Besides, nothing would ever embarrass you. You're embarrassproof."

"What kinda word is 'embarrassproof'?"

"One I just made up. If you young whippersnappers can invent your own lingo, so can I. Now where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted?"

"Knocking on doors."

"Oh, yeah. Well, I think the more doors I knocked on the more depressed I became. Oh, I had friends. I partied. I lived a life that was acceptable I suppose. But there was no Daniel in it. And the more doors I knocked on, the more I convinced myself that Daniel was just a figment of my imagination. That a person like Daniel could never really exist."

"Now you're REALLY embarrassing me, B!"

"Shuddup. I haven't finished yet. So I'm not sure whether it was because I persisted long enough to eventually find Daniel or whether I just got lucky. Maybe a bit of both."

"So how come Daniel didn't go looking for you?"

"He didn't know he was looking for me. He didn't discover that 'til we got to know each other. That's the way it is sometimes. You don't know what you're looking for, but you know something's missing. And when you see it, you recognize it as the missing piece of the puzzle. As they say, fortune favors the prepared mind."

"Is it OK if we... I mean, Col and me... visit you from time to time? I know you're busy writing stuff and everything, but... "

"It would be my pleasure. But bring specimen jars with you." Once again we all cracked up. "I enjoy the company of youth, and it's not just because you're beautiful to look at. You bring something out in me... a sort of paternal instinct. I know that you young fellas are full of fun and energy and life, but I'm also aware of the rocky road you're travelling, and I like to be there for you when you need an old fart to lean on."

"Don't you ever get horny? I mean... "

"I know exactly what you mean, Jeffrey. Of course I get horny. Dicks don't have a use-by date. At least mine doesn't. But I couldn't imagine leaping from a chandelier, or doing what you scallywags do, with another bloke my age."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a gawker, Jeffrey, and blokes my age don't have anything worth gawking at. They might make good friends and interesting... uh... what's that French expression?"

"Repartee?"

"That's the one... but I'd rather gawk than talk."

"You're doing a pretty good job of talking now," I laughed.

"Shuddup, Daniel. Anyway, my fascination for teens is due to a combination of things. Gawking by itself is not sufficient to sustain my interest. They need to have something between... SHUDDUP DANIEL... their ears. No point in making friends with a store mannequin."

"But you're streets ahead of us in the brains department!"

"Am I, Jeff? Age is not related to intelligence, age is related to experience. You guys could run rings around me with what you learn at school these days. I left school at 14. But I'm still attending the school of life. You don't graduate from that one 'til you fall off the perch." B took another sip of wine, then studied our faces one by one. "Y'know something, my young friends? They say you can't put an old head on young shoulders, which is true 'cause that takes years of experience. But it is possible to put a young head on old shoulders... my friendship with Daniel is proof of that. If it weren't possible, I could never have written the stories I write."

"You're a pretty amazing guy."

"I am the result of having amazing friends," the old dude smiled, then winked at me. "I take no credit at all for who or what I am, or for whatever I've accomplished."

"So how can you have self-esteem if you don't take credit for who you are?" Col asked.

"Lack of self-esteem is usually the result of lack of love or respect from those around you. Once you've got love and respect from others - or from even just one person to begin with - you've automatically got self-esteem. By the same token, it's the chicken and egg thing. Do you need to be loved and respected before you can have self-esteem? Can you love and respect yourself if nobody else does? They are difficult questions to answer. Perhaps some of us are more dependent on external sources of love and respect than we are on our own internal sources. I suppose everybody has a different story to tell. I can only tell you about mine, and that Daniel has helped me enormously to see myself through his eyes."

Then Col and Jeff turned their attention to me. "Whose eyes do you see yourself through?" was the obvious question from Col.

"Everybody's. Yours, Jeff's, B's, my buds back home, my mom's, my step bro's and step dad's. A whole bunch of eyes."

"But they don't all see you the same way, do they? Surely your mom doesn't see you with the same eyes as B's or ours."

"I guess not," I shrugged. "So what does that mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything," B suggested. "All it means is that you are many things to many people. What's wrong with that? You don't need to have a change of costume everytime you're in a different person's company. Just be yourself and let other people make up their own minds about you. They won't all see the same thing, but that's their problem, not yours. If we all went through life worrying about what other people thought of us, we'd end up in a padded cell. And let me tell you something else," B said as he waved a finger at me, "if you were the only person in the world who thought well of me, that would be sufficient. The fact that you're not the only one who thinks well of me is a bonus. But it's a bonus I could do without if need be."

"I couldn't be like you, B," I had to admit. "I need all my buds."

"That's because you've always had buds in plentiful supply. But I've known what it's like to have none... none that really mattered. So I know the value of one. And believe me, one is a hundred times - a thousand times - better than none."

"Jeez, B! I can't be that fucking important!"

"You're quite right, Daniel. You're not. And it's time for coffees all round. So you can go and make them. It's about time I started bossing you around." I was giggling, and half way up the back stairs, when he added, "And make sure mine's got a nip of brandy in it!"

In the kitchen, I'd arranged the mugs on the serving tray, and had the jug on the boil. I could hear voices coming from the back yard but I couldn't make out the convo. Hmmm. I wondered what they were all talking about. Me? Or maybe B was telling Col and Jeff how fucking awesome they were. B's mouth would always go into overdrive after he'd had a few drinks.

When I returned to the lawn, I placed the tray of coffees, cream, sugar and spoons in the center of the blanket, then gave B a quick brown-eye. "Thought you might need that," I laughed as I sat cross-legged on the grass. "You've been pretty serious tonight, B. You haven't even been gawking."

"They're called 'gawkettes', Daniel. I've been sneaking quick peeks all night whenever you scallywags weren't looking."

"So how come you didn't get horny?"

"What makes you think I didn't? Besides, I had something important to say."

Just then Col stood, aimed his semi away from the group, while keeping it in full view of all of us, and let a torrent of piss go. Woohoo! The blonde had a big cheesy grin on his face, obviously enjoying the fact that he had an appreciative audience. After he'd shaken the last few drops from his lazy cock, he sat down again and grinned at B.

"This is so fucking cool," he laughed. "I've never done stuff like this before. It's... I dunno... kinda like being free or something. I mean, normally I'd get up, excuse myself, and go to the toilet."

"I'd recommend that you continue to do so, at least when you're not here."

"I didn't offend you, did I, B?"

"Not in the least, Colin. And may I give you full marks for not ruining my coffee."

B had a habit of saying things that cracked us all up. So it was a while before Col could speak again. "I kinda like the idea of god piss, B. I mean, I know my piss is not really god piss, but it's kinda cool to have someone who thinks it is. Know what I mean?"

"I saw Daniel gawking at you," B smiled before taking a sip of his coffee.

"I did not!" I protested. "I was looking, not gawking!"

"You were gawking, Daniel. I'm a gawk expert."

"Bullshit! What's to gawk at? Col was just taking a leak, that's all." Then I realized that B was pulling my chain. "Jeez, you're a teasing old fucker. You almost had me there."

"Almost?"

Jeff was the next one to stand. He aimed his cock high, then sent a powerful stream of piss high into the air - even higher than he stood - before it arced, then plummeted to the grass far below, where it splashed all over the place and formed a pool of bubbles. When he'd finished, he took a bow, and we all applauded.

"Col's right," he grinned as he planted his cute buns on the lawn. "About the freedom thing, I mean. It's awesome!"

"Don't get too carried away," B warned. "What you can do in certain company is not what you can do in all company. There will always be limitations on your "freedom" as you call it, and you need to appreciate that."

"I do, B, I do. Honest. But I also appreciate being here tonight. I've had a fucking ball. I think we all have. It's been a real education. I'm glad you moved to Taree, and that we can visit you."

"So am I."

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