Florida USA
Part 1

Something weird was going on with Paul. We were still best buds and everything, but he was getting pretty friendly with Cindy, a girl from school. She was a hot looker, and always had a whole bunch of guys hanging around like a bad smell. For some reason, though, she was taking an interest in Paul. Didn't she know he was gay? It didn't make sense.

One Friday afternoon as we rode our BMXs home I asked him if he wanted to sleep over like he usually did.

"Can't tonight, Daniel. Got stuff to do."

"But you always sleep over Fridays. We can put the tent in the backyard... y'know ... have some fun."

"Not tonight. Sorry, bud. Got someone coming over for dinner."

"A rello, huh?"

"Not exactly. My folks wanna meet Cindy."


"I've been telling my folks about her, so they wanna meet her, that's all. No biggie."

"What's going on between you two?"

"With Cindy? We're just friends." Then Paul peeled off toward the driveway of his house. "Laters, Daniel."

"Like when?"

"Not sure. I'll phone you, OK?"

After I'd dumped my bike on the front lawn, I headed straight for the kitchen where I grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge.

"Have a nice day, dear?"

"Hi, mom. Yeah, it was OK, I guess. How come you're not mad at me for drinking outa the carton?"

"I've given up. Is Paul sleeping over?"

"Nope, not tonight. His folks wanna meet Cindy, a chick from school. They've invited her to dinner."

"Oh?" Mom paused a moment, then resumed peeling potatoes. "Paul's got a girlfriend? My, my. Paul with a girlfriend. Now that's one for the books."

"She's not a girlfriend, mom," I insisted as I returned the carton to the fridge, then searched the shelves for a snack, "she's just a friend. I can't figure it. Is it OK if I have some of this leftover chicken on a sandwich?"

"Don't spoil your appetite for dinner."

"I won't, mom. Guys my age have bottomless stomachs."

"What can't you figure?"

"About Paul and Cindy? She could have any guy she wanted. They're all over her like a damn rash. So why Paul? Anyway, Paul's... well, y'know, he's not the type."

"Not what type?"

"The type to have a girlfriend. He likes to hang with the guys."

"Boys don't stay boys forever, Daniel. There'll come a day when..."

"Jeez, mom! Please don't gimme that 'one day' routine. Anyway, there's something weird going on with Paul. I know him. This Cindy thing is way outa character."

"When your father and I were dating, we often went out with other couples. Maybe you should get a girlfriend. It doesn't need to be a serious relationship or anything like that..."

"Mom! Please! If I wanted a girlfriend I'd go get one! I'm not exactly ugly y'know. Is Greg home?"

"In his room."

My bro was at his computer doing some kinda research for his homework. I sat on the side of his bed for a while, eating my sandwich, waiting for him to finish whatever he was doing. Then I found myself admiring his shoulder-length, jet-black hair and smooth bronze-colored Eurasian skin. No matter how many times I looked at my bro, it was impossible not to admire him. He was a strange mix of handsome and beautiful... almost too beautiful to be a guy.

"'Sup, bro?" he asked eventually, turning in my direction.

"Have I ever told you what a wicked face you've got?"

"Maybe a thousand times or so. Yours ain't too shabby either, bro," he smiled, flashing his sparkling pearlies. "So what's the prob? You look worried about something."

"I remember when we built this room. You remember that? How we planned it, and got all excited about it? It was so damn rad having you as a bro and living with us."

"And now?"

"Hey, it's still rad! I love you, Greg. You're the coolest bro a guy could ever want."

"So what's the prob?"

"Not you. It's Paul. He's gone all weird or something. I asked him if he wanted to sleep over like he usually does, but... well, he's invited Cindy to meet his folks. They're having dinner tonight. Can you believe that? Paul? With a girlfriend? What the fuck's going on?"

"All the guys at school are talking about it."

"Yeah, I know. But why Paul? He's gay for fuck sake!"

"You sure about that? People change y'know."

"Yeah, right. Paul change? Just like that? No, I don't believe it, bro. There's something going on, but I can't figure out what."

"If you want my advice, it'll cost you a blow job."

"Greg! Be fucking serious will you?"

"I am being serious," he laughed, then rubbed the bulge in the crotch of his shorts. "C'mon, Daniel. You love blowing me, so how about it? Just imagine my big sausage gliding between your lips, and all that tasty Greg juice sliding down your throat."

"Not now, Greg. I'm not in the fucking mood. OK?"

"Listen up, bro. Don't worry about Paul. He's probably experimenting or whatever. Or maybe Cindy's using him for whatever reason. Who knows? Next week, it could be a whole different story."

"You think he's fucked her?"

"How the fuck would I know?" Greg got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, and put a friendly arm around me. "It could be that Cindy sees a guy like Paul as a challenge. Maybe she's just trying to test him... y'know, to see how far he'll go."

"She's wasting her fucking time. He's gay."

"On the other hand, maybe he's testing you to see how much you care. You've always been a bit nonchalant about Paul... taking him for granted. You've got a lotta other buds... Dick, Freddie, Jo, Benny..."

"So? It's not like Paul and I are joined at the fucking hip or anything. He knows that. He knows I've got other buds. We've had chats about it, and it's been cool. Anyway, we've all been together... you, him, and me. He didn't complain about that. And he's been with all the other guys. So what's the prob all of a sudden?"

"I guess you'll have to ask him that question. Are you jealous of Cindy?"

"Maybe I am," I shrugged. "It's cool when Paul has sex with me and the guys. We're all kinda like one big family. But doing it with a girl? Fucking hell. It's like all of a sudden he's a damn traitor or something."

"What about me? I'm straight."

"Yeah, but you've always been straight. Like you haven't changed. Know what I mean? I know what to expect from you. Anyway, if Paul and Cindy become an item, where the fuck does that leave me? And what about all the other guys? What if they get girlfriends? Will that mean I'll be the only fucking fag left in town?"

"You're not a fag, Daniel. You've never labeled yourself. Why label yourself now?"

"I dunno. It's like everybody could change, and I'd be... well... alone or something."

"You'll never be alone, Daniel. I can promise you that."

"I've heard that teens experiment... y'know, sexually... guys with guys and that kinda thing. But they grow out of it. You think that's true?"

"Maybe with some guys... not with others."

"I just don't wanna be alone, Greg. And I don't wanna be one of those faggy gays. I'm fucking scared, man. Shit scared. What's gonna happen to me?"

"Hey, hey, hey," Greg said with a soothing voice as he hugged me. "Cindy's having dinner with Paul's folks, that's all. It's no biggie, right? You're talking about it like there was more to it. Don't get this situation out of all fucking proportion. You're seeing things that aren't there."


"Dammit, Daniel. Get a grip for fuck sake!"

"Do you think I'm faggy?"

"You? No fucking way, bro. You're not the type. Fucking hell, you're probably more masculine than I am in a lotta ways. I've always admired you for that."

"I suck your dick, I lick your ass."

"So? You've got good taste in dicks and asses," he cracked. "What's wrong with that? And don't expect me to complain, bro. It's fine with me. Totally cool."

"Don't joke about it, Greg."

"I'm not joking, Daniel. OK, maybe you freaked me out at first, but that's all changed. You're one helluva guy... the best bro in the world... and an excellent bud as well. You've got a whole stack of friends who think you rock big time. More friends than most people have. And all of a sudden Paul invites some chick to meet his folks and you think your whole fucking world is collapsing? I don't get it. It's a storm in a teacup, bro. It'll all blow over and things will be back to normal in no time. You'll see."

"Normal? What the fuck is normal? Can you tell me that? How many guys in the world are like me? Huh? How many guys have orgies with their buds? I think I'm just beginning to realize how fucked in the head I am. A total fucking freak. Can you imagine what mom would think if she knew about all this stuff?"

The silence that followed my last question was deafening. It was obvious that Greg didn't have the answer. "How many moms or dads know everything about their kids?" he eventually offered in a soft voice that seemed to lack confidence. "And how many kids know everything about their folks?"

"That's a totally fucking lamo answer, Greg."

"Is it? Well, I'm your bro, right? And I know all about you. I love you as much now -- if not more -- than I did before I found out."

"That I was a fag?"

"Will you stop calling yourself a fag for fuck sake?"

"So you're suggesting I tell mom about what I do? Yeah, right."

"No, that's not what I'm suggesting. She doesn't need to know. OK?"

"OK, so I let her keep thinking I'm normal?"

"I don't know the answer to that, Daniel. I'm not your mom. But I know she loves you at least as much as I do, and probably a whole bunch more."

"Yeah, 'cause she thinks she knows who I am."

"Hey, Daniel, would you be having all these doubts and paranoia if Cindy wasn't at Paul's place right now? No. You wouldn't. Am I correct? You'd be the same Daniel as always. This Cindy chick has gotten up your nose, and now your brain's scrambled."

"It's always been fucking scrambled. Just 'cause I strut around the damn joint like I'm invincible doesn't mean I am. I wish I was like you, Greg. I wish I was normal."

"Hey, bro. I don't wanna put a label on you. OK? All I know is that you're cool. The best. I don't want you to change. I want my Daniel back, so will you chill out for Christ sake?"

"Honest? You think I'm cool in spite of everything?"

"What kinda dumb question is that? Fucking hell! You know I think you're cool, Daniel. What is this shit? You were the one who taught me to chill, to accept things for what they are. And now you're riddled with self-doubt? I don't believe this! Just 'cause some chick... "

"Forget it. OK? I'll get over it."

"I hope you do, man. It's not worth all this paranoia crap. Guys look up to you. I look up to you. Paul looks up to you. OK, so he's got some crazy thing going on his head about Cindy, but that's like nowhere, man."

"You're contradicting yourself. You said Paul might change or whatever."

"What if he does? Does that mean you have to change? Are you gonna fit into some fucking mould 'cause that's what's expected of you? Daniel? Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, I'm listening, but none of it makes any sense."

"Bro," Greg said before kissing me on the cheek, then giving me a big dose of his beautiful brown eyes. "Does it have to make sense?"

Copyright 2001 All rights reserved. mrbstories


 Daniel's Diary Daniel's Dilemma Part 2