We were still laying on our backs on the lawn, gazing thoughtfully at the stars, when I told Mark that I'd done some really stupid things, and that I wanted to make them right.
"Apology accepted. You've got some serious mending to do back in Cape Town. Steph for one. I also think you should stay away from Wingnut. He's an easy drug target, and can be a real little jerkoff when he's stubborn. He's too much like Cody in a lot of ways. Steph told me you spiked his drinks or something. I think I might know why, and I think you're playing with fucking fire. For all Wingnut's shit, I'll look after him 'cause Cody would've wanted us to. And if anyone fucks with him, I'll do some serious damage."
"Could I come back here during school breaks? And maybe when I'm finished school?"
"Ask me later. Right now there's too much anger [in me], which is aimed at you. It's cool that you've aplogized, but there's a fucking trust issue here, and that's gonna take a long time to mend."
"I think I understand."
And then: "Steve? What was your scene with Cody?"
"What do you mean?"
"Where you guys into a sexual relationship?"
Whoa! I didn't fucking dare answer his question, so I kept staring silently at the stars hoping he'd change the sub or whatever.
Mark continued. "I think you were. Wingnut as well. And Paul."
"How do you figure that?"
"Because of the man. He had no conventional boundaries. If he fell in love, it meant that there had to be an act of love for him to show it."
"That would mean... ?"
"Yeah, it does. But you haven't answered my question, Steve."
"We were pretty intense."
"How intense? I just wanna know."
Fucking hell! What was I gonna say? And how would Mark react? "All the way."
You could've knocked me over with a feather when I heard Mark laugh. "Cody," he giggled as he studied the heavens, "you're in the wrong place, bro. You need to get your ass downstairs."
And with that, we both cracked up. Then Mark added: "Steph knew from the beginning about you two. But at the time I thought she was talking crap. Don't ask me how she knew 'cause Cody never spoke to her about it. I know he would never have done that. All of us have these Cody secrets that we carry in our hearts."
"So how intense were you guys?"
"Pretty much. But, no, we didn't go that route. Just didn't appeal to me. I think he wanted it, though." Then Mark cracked again. "Caught his index up my ass a few times."
"I used to fantasize about you and him together," I admitted. "Hell, I used to fantasize about you and me together." Hey, this was confession time, right? So I decided to become a little adventurous. I placed my hand on his deliciously muscled, solid chest, and let my fingers drift down over his flat gut 'til I felt his springy pubes.
"You're about an inch away from me breaking your arm and shoving it up your ass," he warned.
"I'm just saying don't go there, Steve. For all that happened with Cody and me, that was something very unique and special, and you'll never step into those shoes."
"So I guess a kiss is outa the question?"
"You're a fucking genius."
"So why are you letting me touch you?"
"'Cause it feels cool."
"Like a Fingers massage?"
"He also knows his limits."
"Wanna give me a massage?"
I laid on my stomach, and Mark straddled me with no hesitation. Woohoo! I felt his huge balls resting in the small of my back. Awesome! His strong hands began to find the knots in my back muscles as he worked them over. I could have easily dozed off, but I wanted to remember what it felt like to have him do this for me. He carried on for about 20 wonderful, unforgettable minutes, then I offered to massage him.
Whatever he said, he had a skin-splitting erection when he laid down on his stomach. Every muscle on his back rippled erotically as he moved. I straddled him, and hoped that he didn't mind the pearls of precum dripping from my cock onto his smooth, tanned skin.
I allowed my fingers to gently caress him before I began the actual massage. I wanted to feel his every little sensuous bump and crevice.
"It's going to be hard for you," he mumbled, "... to stop the dealing."
"I'm scared about that," I admitted as my fingers worked his wicked physique. "I'm not big into pain, and I was at one of their discipline meetings. A little junior school kid. They beat him up, and threatened to kill him if he said anything. He's still dealing."
"So who's this boss guy, anyway?"
"He's not really the main guy. He just controls one area. Black guy. I think he's Moroccan. Wanna turn over?"
"You'd better sit on the side then," he grinned, referring to his boner.
"Oh, damn! I thought I could sit on your cock to stop me sliding off your crotch."
"You were with Cody too fucking long," he laughed.
After he'd rolled onto his back, I could feel my own heart beating like fuck. I laid on my side, and used just one hand to massage him. My erection was resting up against his thigh, but he didn't say anything. I caressed his nipples and pecs, and let my hand explore his steel abs. I wanted to tell him how good it felt, but I couldn't work up the nerve. His own erection didn't bother him either, and I was itching to wrap my fist around its glorious length.
"I remember when he used to touch me like that," he said softly. "You could almost not feel his actual finger tips. Just the electricity coming from them; tingling my skin."
"I wish I could turn back the clock and make everything right with him."
"He's watching us all the time. He'll know when you've made things right. He sometimes spoke about how he missed you. He used to get so crazy about you and the drugs. I hurt him as well. Sometimes I would rock up to his house all spaced out. One time his dad opened the door for me, and I almost burst out laughing. Cody got soooo pissed off with me. Then I would rile him to get a reaction. Always did."
I let my hand slide down and touch his cockhead. It was just too fucking awesome to resist.
"Move your fucking hand before I move it for you!"
I instantly took my hand away, and resumed touching his stomach. "Is it really so fucking bad for you when I do that?"
"Don't spoil it."
"I used to dream of you and Cody getting it on. I thought that one day - like this - with just the two of us, we could..."
"Thought wrong. Sorry."
"Did you blow Cody as well?"
"You're starting to sound like him."
"Always asking fucking personal questions. Yes, no, yes."
"Yes, I blew him. No, I didn't swallow. Yes, I fucking loved it. But it was because I loved Cody. Happy now?"
"Don't get aggro for fuck sake. Cody was one of the few guys that I made love to, and I loved him as well. I miss him more than you will ever realize. He taught me how to love."
"You must've gotten a C."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just the way you treated him, Steve. You've no idea how much he loved us... all of us... and you treated him like shit. His problem was that he always came back for more."
That hurt. I got up, then dove into the pool. I swam to the wall, where I paused to watch Mark light up another joint. "We used to be good friends," I said. "Any chance of getting back there?"
"Nothing's changed. We're still friends otherwise you wouldn't be here. What are you looking for? Me to tell you how much I love you? If that's what you want, then be prepared for a fucking rocky ride, boyo, 'cause Cody had to fight his fucking way into my heart. But once he got there, I loved him more than anyone in the whole world, and I still do. If Cody had to live to 100, I would not be able to repay him for what he gave me."
"So what did he give you?"
"Some self-respect. Made me feel like I was worth something. But most of all he gave me his unconditional friendship for better or worse."
"Sounds like a marriage."
"Marriage could never be that good."
"Weren't you jealous of him?"
"Only when I first met him. I used to think he was an arrogant fuck. But I was jealous of the way he used to attract friends."
"Exactly my problem. I wanted him for myself. It was only after he was killed that I realized what I had."
"All of us."
"Do you reckon he would've become a marine bio?"
"I'm not sure. He was planning on going to university this year, but I don't think he would've managed with the finance side of things. He would have ended up doing something related to the sea, though."
"Will you ever get over him, Mark?"
"People will get over his death, but no one will ever get over the person he was, and the people they've become because of his influence."
"Wingnut still breaks down and cries for no apparent reason when we're in the surf together."
"Wingnut lost a brother. None of us will ever understand what that's like."
We chatted for ages about Cody, and the memories we had of the fun times. Mark's mood was lightening up quite a bit. After a few more beers, and another joint, Mark admitted that the physical side of his relationship with Code was something - after having completely blown his mind - that was amongst the most special times he'd had in his life. We even went as far as describing how we felt when we'd gotten down to intimacy, including - from my perspective - what it was like when Cody entered me for the first time.
"I shat myself the first time."
"Hahahaha! You're fucking gross, dude. I meant figuratively."
"I know what you meant, moron. I was kidding. So?"
"It's just the way Code was. He was so fucking gentle. And, yeah, it was uncomfortable at first, but just having him inside me was so fucking special it's hard to describe."
Mark shook his head. "It's weird. It's so fucking hard to imagine [Cody porking you]. But then I think of the intimate times we shared together, and then it's not so hard [to imagine] anymore. People who never knew him would never understand."
"He thought you were a god."
"In his mind, all his friends were gods. Each friendship was unique. He made each of us feel like we were the only friend he had. That was his style. His big thing was being physical, like touching and being close. If it went further than that, it was because we both wanted it."
"That's why I never thought your friendship with him would work. I never thought it would go that far."
"We were friends for a very long time before it got to the stuff you're talking about. I think it was when Paul came [from England] for Code's birthday that I realized, that for Cody, it was normal. A way of expressing love for a friend. He was always telling me not to be afraid of getting too close to a friend." That remark cause Mark to laugh again. "At first I thought he was a fucking lunatic."
"I've always wanted to talk to someone about my experiences with Cody."
"Yeah, well, just knowing Cody was a fucking experience."
OK, time for the biggie. "Could I sleep in your bed tonight, Mark? Not to do anything. Just to be close to someone. It's OK if you don't wanna do that."
"Early up in the morning. I don't want Fingers getting any fucking ideas."
"Is that a yes?"
Copyright © 2002 All rights reserved. mrbstories