South Africa
Part 43

Hi Gary. Wingnut is going to be sleeping over tomorrow night [Saturday]. Wanted to make it tonight but my folks are out from tomorrow to Sunday, and that will just make it better.

Wednesday afternoon he came around to my place after swim training for a short while to crap me out for not telling him I was going to Cody's house... and that we could've connected. I just told him it was a last minute thing that I did.

We went for a surf after that, and I was totally on. Had a rave session in 3-4 foot swell that was cooking. When we showered at the beach afterwards, he said he saw my one ride where I floated for ages, and he thought it was pretty rad. :) Only one? Fucking hell, I floated almost every second ride I had. The SURFGOD IS BACK!!!! Anyway, I wasn't concentrating cos I was watching his pecs and abs. :)

A few of the grommets were checking me out. Actually, a few of the regs [regulars] were checking me out as well, probably waiting for me to fall on my ass. That happened as well but not often.

I was checking my bod out in the mirror [in my room], and it's starting to get into fucking shape. Actually, there's more muscle there now probably cos of the boxing and the gym work I'm doing.

My face is still not hundreds cos my eye still has a huge bruise, but I guess that will take time [to heal]. The bruises on my ribs are also almost gone.

"When are you gonna send me a pic?"

Shuddup. Thursday: Bruce came home with me after school, then we drove to the travel office where I booked my ticket to Joburg. I'm leaving on Wednesday next week [March 20]. Bruce and I then went to his house where we shared a J. Got into a naked graunch, and we jacked each other while we were playing tonsil hockey. It was actually quite good just to be with him at that moment. I would've preferred to have us blow each other, but he was on a mellow action after the joint. BUT, being naked together was a plus. :)

Got into a bit of an argument about the stash that is still in my closet. First he wanted [to take] it from me so he could get rid of it, but I told him to fuck off. Now he wants to see it to make sure that I haven't used it.

That poem you sent [me] that Cody emailed you is from a book called The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Cody loved the whole book, which is all about friendship, love, families and children, and I think that's how he tried to live his life.

I remember one night when we were laying in bed together, and we were reading bits of it [the book]. And the way Cody was reading it was also beautiful cos he felt so strongly about the whole thing [of friendship and love].

Last night, I phoned Mark to tell him about the flight [to Joburg] but he was out. So guess who answered the phone? He [Fingers] can't wait for me to get there...

"Can't understand why."

Jeeeeez. Will you stop interrupting? Anyway, he went on and on about how he's missed me and blah blah blah. Hahahahaha! I told him I needed him to keep that big muscle of his warm for me, and I swear I could hear him blushing. I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

I went into the [MrB] site and saw your message to Mark and Wingnut. I didn't even fucking know that those stories were on your free [area of the] site. I didn't mean to cause a lotta shit about that [removing the references to Mark and Wingnut].

Friday: Bruce gave me a lift home again [from school] and I had to show him the stash [in my closet].

"Why don't you just give it to me so I can get rid of it?"

"Just leave it... and stop fucking hassling. OK?"

"As long as that's there, you haven't stopped [using]. Not until you get rid of it."

"You're like a stress machine, bro. Just drop it. OK?"

Bruce is maybe going to connect with me tonight, and we're going to go out somewhere to celebrate his first Friday of freedom [from selling].

You going to be on FunTB [chat] tomorrow morning? Depending on the surf... hmmmm... maybe.

I've managed to get hold of a lot of the Cody files, and it's a vibe of sorting them now. Most of his news pages are ether [vanished into the], but I'm replacing the news pages with his graphics and some of the things he wrote. I've set a target to get his pages up by June, but then we're also writing exams. Anyway, it'll be close to June I reckon.

At the moment, I'm still battling a lot of stuff inside myself. I still feel like running out and connecting [with a dealer]. Fuck knows how I haven't gotten into the crack stash yet. But it needs to stay where it is. Maybe hard for people to understand [that], and fuck knows I could use it. But it's also really hard a lot of the time, still. I hope Bruce is wrong, and that I can handle it.

I'm off. Got a cock to wank and surf to tame. Cheers.

Your friend and the Codeman's


> Hi Gary. Wingnut is going to be sleeping over tomorrow night.

G'day Steve,

There's something seriously wrong with you. You only cussed two or three times in the whole damn email. No wonder the thing was so short. :) If I took all your cussing outa your story there'd be 21 chapters instead of 42.

Not sure I understand the stash thing, and why it needs to be there. I can only guess that you don't trust the "new Steve" yet. I've spoken to other ex-addicts who say that the craving never really goes away, even though it becomes manageable. I suppose a good analogy would be marriage. Just cos you're married to a woman you love doesn't mean you lose the urge to bonk some other looker. But if you do stray from the straight and narrow, you risk losing your wife. In your case, you'll risk losing Wingnut and Mark, not to mention your folks and Cody's folks. So I guess you've got a way to go yet before the "new Steve" completely dominates the "old Steve". Answer? Just keep on going the way you're going. You're doing better than any of us expected.

Yep, the Surfgod is back! And so are the gawkers as well as your self-esteem. Actually, I started to get a rise when I read about you and Wingnut surfing. :) I'm going to the beach later today, so I hope I don't embarrass myself. It's interesting that Wingnut crapped you out for not telling him that you'd visited Mr T. The lightie must like you more than I thought. That would explain why he was so pissed off at you when you were trashed. Hmmm. I can see a hand drawn birthday card in my crystal ball. :) Remember the pic I posted on MrB for your 16th birthday? I talked about all the world's saddle sniffers wishing you well hehehe. Jeez I'm a disgrace, but then you've always known that.

Got an awesome email from Jimothy yesterday. He went to the beach and thought a lot about Cody. He's majoring in film at a Las Vegas college, and sent me a script he's working on, plus a poem. He wants me to keep them private, but he said he'd like to do another song for me and MrB. He's a very talented guy and will probably be famous one day. If anybody ever makes a movie about Cody/Daniel it'll be Jimothy. Imagine that! I can't wait! Maybe he'll get the Winger to play Code's role. :) When I began writing Daniel's Diary purely for Code's amusement, I unwittingly planted a seed that's growing into a mighty tree. When I reply to Jimothy, I'll ask him if you can be the make-up girl. :)

I'm really looking forward to your trip to Joburg. I feel like I'll be there as well. Weird, huh? You'll be carrying me around in your handsome head, just like Cody did when he wrote that piece about the green room, and thought of me when he was in it. He even got a lump in his throat. How awesome was that? Jimothy thinks the same way about Cody/Daniel. He carries them around in his head. Speaking of heads, yours will be full of stuff about your trip to Joburg, so make sure you spend lots of quality time telling me all about it. You did a brilliant job of telling me about the last trip. Mesmerizing stuff. But back then you were suffering from sleepless nights. This time, I hope the surf craps out or whatever so that you'll have plenty of time to spend at the keyboard.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Yep, a friend gave me one of his books for Christmas 1977 - Patterns of Happiness - five years before the Codeman emerged from a screaming woman. Back then I thought it was all a lot of romantic gobbledegook, so there's another lesson Cody has taught me. I'm still not the romantic type, though. But yesterday I bought a bunch of silk ferns and ivy to fill a couple of hanging baskets on the front verandah. I also bought a single protea to put in a small crystal vase I've placed next to Cody's pics on the mantle behind me. I think that's about the only romantic thing I've done in my whole life. :) Not a day passes without my thinking about Cody, and what an awesome friend he was to me. Took him a while to convince you to get your ass into gear and get in touch with me, though. He would have known that I couldn't have handled his death without the Surfergod.

And there's another fascinating aspect of Cody's character - in bed with you reading bits from Kahlil Gibran's book. And putting a birthday message in a bottle, and leaving it in Steph's pool for her to find. When Mark said that Cody was the one who taught him about friendship and love, he wasn't kidding. But who taught Cody? Surely it couldn't have been me. Maybe it was Daniel in combination with Mr and Mrs T and Paul. Daniel is not me. Maybe my alter ego, but definitely not me.

Mark and Wingnut in the MrB visitor's free area? Yeah, there were 5 chapters of each story. Convincing visitors to become MrB members ain't easy. If it weren't for the pension I receive for being Sue's carer, I couldn't survive. To make matters worse, Kostik and the guys are no longer involved with World Boys. Part of my income was derived from taking care of their banking, and a huge chunk of my hits was from WB. Cody's site no longer links to mine. Mark's and Wingnut's stories were two of the main reasons why people joined MrB. Oh, well, Cody once complimented me on being tenacious, so I guess I'll keep going. :)

Time for a shower and shave. My hair needs to be dry before I take a bus to Forster and the digital camera class. I'll be arriving early, so I'll spend some time wandering around the place and taking a few pics before I attend class.

Back! And looking totally edible. Do you like prunes? FunTB chat? The prob with that is I have a routine - answering email [and there's been a STACK since you arrived on the scene], surfing for Rude Dudes, and whatever else. This morning's worse cos I have to catch a 9:45am bus to Forster. Pest sent me instructions on how to activate the new IRC thingy but I've never gotten around to it. The first one was a nightmare already. Anyway, you only want me on chat so that I can tell you how wonderful you are. :)

A cock to wank and surf to tame. Well, there ya go. That's what I like to hear. We currently have a campaign in Oz to prevent people from littering the place with cigarette buts and other crap. The campaign is called, "Don't Be A Tosser". Well, that's just lovely. The advertising industry is telling kids to be ashamed of masturbating. In my day it was called "self abuse". That's the same advertising industry that told us it was cool to be The Marlboro Man. I worked in media and advertising for a long time, and I can tell you where all the tossers are... but they're tossers who don't and won't admit to it. What a bunch of fucking lamos. They're paid a fortune to think, but not necessarily to think correctly. There's an ad on TV at the mo that shows a woman who's just eaten a canary. Sylvester never got to eat Tweetie Pie despite a zillion attempts, and that was cool. But there'll no doubt be a lot of empty bird cages in Oz caused by kids who copy what they've seen on that TV ad. If you're a dickhead and you wanna be successful, get into the advertising industry.

Actually, that brings me to paranoia. Wanna be successful? Sell something like insurance. Take advantage of people's natural paranoia. Your house is gonna burn down. You're gonna be burgled. How could you possibly live without the latest version of Windows? Or a 60 GB hard drive? Don't be left behind. Keep up with the Jones's. Last year's Ford is old hat. You need the latest model. Wear Nike or risk being a nerd. Yep, take advantage of people's natural paranoia. Works every time. Incinerate the Jews cos they'll take over the world. The Nazi's most powerful weapon was paranoia. Osama bin Laden used it too. Back in the 60s Oz had the White Australia Policy - we were told that we would be overrun by the "Yellow Peril" to our north if we dropped our guard. America was paranoid about Communists, and vice versa. South Africa's apartheid regime used paranoia to stay in power. Don't give the vote to blacks. They'll overrun the whites. And so it goes on and on and on. Ban gays. They'll corrupt our youth. Believe in God or you'll go to hell. Vote for the Republicans cos the Democrats will ruin the country. If you can harness the power of other people's paranoia, you've got 'em by the short and curlies. No doubt about it.

So how do you prevent yourself from becoming a slave to paranoia? Understand it. Understand how other people use yours to their advantage. Understand how the negative side of your mind latches onto it and convinces you to believe in the worst possible scenario. Understanding is the key to everything. Know thine enemy. :)

Your enemy is still lurking in your closet. It understands your paranoia, and your reluctance to completely divorce yourself from your past.

I like this pulpit. I could get used to this sermonizing [if there's such a word]. Anyway, mate, I've gotta get this tired old ass onto a bus. Can't wait for your next email telling me about Wingnut's sleepover. I love that little dude to bits, as I love you. Who said fossil's can't have their own personal surfergod? Woohoo! I've got me a real goddam live one! Gawk all you wanna, guys, this hero's MINE! Well, sort of hehe.

Seeya Scrumptious,
Your friend and the awesome Codeman's


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 Steve Part 44