After I'd finished writing my notes about the Joburg 2 story, and sending them to Gary, then warning him about that Luke kid I'd read about on the MrB site, I decided it was time to read the whole Steve story from beginning to end. I'd already read the Joburg 1 chapters some months ago, but not much else. There was too much fucked up stuff in there; too many reminders of the fucked up Steve I used to be. Used to be? Yep. I'd been doing a lot of surfing; taking advantage of the winter swell. It had been especially good this particular week. And my surfer buddy Wingnut had been out there catching barrels with me most days.
Based on emails from May, 2002.
Sex with him? Nope. Not since that last time... when I blew him. I'd backed off quite a bit, with the result that the grommet had become a lot more relaxed around me; treating me more like a good friend. So maybe the sex thing was a fucked up idea in the first place.
I'd also managed to do a fair bit of work on Cody's World. Then my comp got hit by a fucking virus. Lost every single thing including the graphics I'd done for Cody's birthday on July 1. I was sweating like a pig during the scandisk, hoping I could retrieve some of the stuff I'd been working on. Cody must've been looking after me cos I found 99% of the stuff. The virus had fucked up all the links and file names on Cody's site, though, and I had to go through all the web-build stuff again.
Apart from all that, I'd been studying for the half-yearly exams due in June. I figured Bruce and I could study together since we were in the same classes, but every time I rocked around to his place to study, we'd end up studying each other's hot bods instead, and having sex. So it was impossible to hit the school books. I guessed that that was just the kinda connection the two of us had together. Hey, I wasn't complaining, though. He's a good looking dude with a totally hot bod. Whoa!
Anyway, I finally found the time to read the whole Steve story from cover to cover. Couldn't believe that I was really that fucking bad. At the time of reading, I'd been without even so much as a joint for a few weeks. Serious. The last one was with that chick at the wedding. OK, so being off the drugs still wasn't easy street. I still got the shakes sometimes, and pains in the gut. And I'd go into total fucking depressions about absolutely nothing, then come out of them again.
I wrote Gary and told him to give my love to all the guys out there, and apologized for not having been in chat. I figured that maybe it was just me trying to sort myself out; trying to find some sort of fucking direction. But I promised that I'd get into FunTB chat again sometime, even just to say hi.
No, I hadn't grown a halo yet. But some things were on the improve. The atmos with my folks was getting better and better as well. "Hey, Gary, can you believe that we actually sit together at dinner times now when we're all at home?" Yeah, I could hardly believe it myself. We'd sit at the table and talk about everything... well almost everything. What the fuck had I been missing all these years? And where had my folks been? Or maybe the question was, 'where had I been?', I guessed.
The other thing that was cool was Julie, my new girlfriend, and a really nice girl. Shortish blonde hair and really cute. She was a year older than me... the older woman story again hahahahahaha!
About a week later, I wrote Gary again and typed 'Just something' in the subject line.
Hi, Gary. I've been a total prick cos I keep saying to myself that I must write and thank you for everything you did for me but I keep forgetting. Guess it's still a bit of the old acid head shit that makes me forget things.
I read the Steve story over and over again and I was fucking bad. I don't know how I got away with it for so fucking long. And what I did to Wingnut, and the way I treated him was sooooooo fucked up.
I understand now why he started that whole acid head campaign against me. If I'd been him, I would've done a lot worse to me. But we've become such good friends now, and it's really cool. He likes Julie as well, and she thinks he's totally adorable and cute. Don't we all?
You're not gonna believe this, but I haven't slipped my dick into her yet. True. Truth is, I haven't tried to force anything with her yet either. I dig her too much to try and spoil what we have right now. We're into each other's pants, and she enjoys stroking me, and we get each other fucking worked up, though. It's just that she is really special, and I'm being careful not to fuck things up the way I always do.
With Wingnut and me now, we can say what we like to each other, and things still turn out OK, which I guess says a lot about how our friendship has developed. He still turns me on, though. Make no fucking mistake. And I guess there will be another time that the two of us will sleep together. But I'd like it to be more than just sex next time. I'll try to do a Cody with him rather than a fucked up Steve.
I see Steph and Carol now and again as well. They're still good friends despite the time they've been apart.
It's been hard for me the last few weeks. I guess it must be a bit like someone who's stopped smoking. I feel like I want to pick things up and throw them around cos my head gets so fucked up. I don't miss the grass, which is weird. But then that stuff's not addictive. It's the other shit that goes with it.
The Cody site is looking pretty good. I wrote a lot of stuff on the aboutme page that I must send to Dave so that he can update it. It's like my views on what Cody said, and some of the stuff behind it. I also promised Dave some of Cody's fav teen pics, the ones he thought were really cute guys. Cody used to search for pics that resembled me or Mark or Wingnut.
Meantime, things with my folks are getting there. That is like the biggest surprise of all for me. My dad even gave me some bucks to take Julie out the other night. He likes her, and thinks that she'll be good for me.
My dad and I fuck around with the boxing bag about twice a week. Hey, don't hassle, Gary, I take it easy with him. :) But the fucker hit me a cunt shot the other day that sent me flying back on my ass. He was waiting for me to get up and shout and cuss but when it didn't happen he got all concerned that he'd hurt me. "Hey! You think you've got a wuss for a son or what?"
My dad and I haven't gotten to the hugs stage yet... if that'll ever happen. I hug my mom, though, and she even told me that she thought I was a hunky dude. :)
Cody's folks? They're doing well. The hard time for them is coming up soon... it'll be Cody's birthday on July 1.
Wingnut is organizing a few of the juniors in the swim team, that Cody had trained, to go out on their surfboards, and do something or other. He's not exactly sure what they're gonna do yet, but they're all gonna be there out on the back line for the Starman's birthday. Wingnut has invited me to be there with all the guys. I'm not sure if Cody's mom or dad will want to be there, but at least they'll know it's happening, and that Cody's friends still love him a stack.
I had dinner with Cody's folks the other night, and it was really cool cos we were able to talk about Cody and laugh at the things we remember about him. Always the joker. Always so full of life and fun. And it was great to see Cody's folks enjoying the convo.
I can't believe Cody's room is still the same. Dusted and clean. Surfboard on the wall, still waxed from the last time he did it. Endless Summer poster. Everything just as he'd left it. A special place for Wingnut to be.
Cody's folks are gonna take me and Julie and Wingnut and Candy out to a restaurant once I've had a few more weeks of being clean as a reward. Cool, huh? Cody's dad has been really good for me. I'm starting to see more and more of him in my own dad now that I've stopped all my fucked up bullshit.
Wingnut still spends a load of time at Cody's house. He breezes in for a while every single day, chirpy and beaming, to say hi. He's very special to them; like Cody's bro.
So, Gary, you can see that things are going pretty tight at the moment, and it wouldn't have if it hadn't been for you pushing me and pushing me and keeping on at me. So for what it's worth, thanks a stack. I'll only realize what you've done for me a bit later, I guess. But I know it for what it's worth right now after having read the whole Steve story several times.
Hey, I hope I didn't come on too strong about Luke in my mail. It's just that you seem to be tripping on him at the moment, which makes you fucking vulnerable. I'd hate to see you being ripped off emotionally by some little prick. I'm not saying he's a little prick. He might have a big one. :) But you know what I mean, Gary. You write about this kinda stuff all the time. Just don't fall into the traps that you warn your readers about.
On the pos side, he sounds pretty neat, and he could turn into almost a son that you wished you'd had. I hope that's the case. Just don't get yourself into a position that makes you the victim of some stupid action. Yeah, I know you'll say you won't cos you understand that. But if he isn't genuine he could end up manipulating you into a situation that is fucking difficult to get out of. And love is fucking blind.
Thanks for forwarding that mail from MrB readers who've read my story. I never realized it was like that. I mean, I knew the impact that Cody had had on your readers - but me? Thanks again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your friend and the Codeman's
I felt much better after sending that email. I'd said a lotta things in there that I wouldn't have thought were possible a few months ago. From fucked up Steve to respectable Steve. Woohoo! And suddenly I had all these friends like Francois, Dave, Pest, Dio, Chuck, Richie, Spencer, and other cool guys who were all interested in helping me. Where the hell did they all come from all of a sudden?
Next thing, it was back to hitting the books. We were busy with mid year exams, and I was studying my fucking tits off. Cool tits, mind you. :) The only way I could study properly was to write points down as I went through my work. I tried to break up the day so that I could get through three subjects each day, taking breaks in between like to add stuff to my email to Gary depending on what was going on inside my head.
I told him that I'd just finished writing my Math 1 paper. It went very well, but then math had always been one of my better subjects. Hahahahha. It helped me to guage the size of a dick just by looking at the bulge in a paira jeans, or the curves on a gorgeous chick with her clothes on. Hmmm. That made me wonder if was able to guess the angle of a cockstand just by staring at the bulge. Nah. Guessed not. Wasn't a prob, though. We weren't getting those kinda questions in the exam paper. Hahahahaha!
Hey, what was I laughing at? I was thinking thoughts that were making me horny. I'd had no sex in fucking ages, and the muscles of my right wrist were getting really buffed. Had to keep the motor running or I'd end up with a permanently limp dick.
Told Gary about the latest sparring session I'd had with my dad. I'd really gotten him sweating, hahahaha! Didn't think he could figure why it wasn't so easy to hit me anymore. But it wasn't just my boxing defenses that had improved... I was landing a few smacks on him as well. Thanks for the lessons, Mark. :)
I'd been working on several graphics for July 1. Staring at the screen. Wondering how I could improve them. Were they good enough for the best friend who ever walked the face of the earth? Nope. No matter how hard I tried to improve them, I still wasn't fucking happy with them.
"You're a Virgo like me, Steve," Gary wrote. "You'll never be happy with what you do. You're a perfectionist. You've gotta learn to be satisfied with the best you can do or you'll never finish anything."
Meantime, we were in for a wet weekend by the look of the weather forecast, which hopefully meant good surf. We'd been having really awesome surf lately, and I'd managed to surf for at least an hour each day.
"You're surfing so fucking well now, Winger, but you've got no fucking fear!"
"What the fuck did I do now?"
"You almost killed yourself out there!"
"I'm still here, aren't I?"
"I can still remember the very first time you went out there with Cody and me. The first couple of times, actually, and you used to get so fucking nailed."
"I don't remember getting nailed."
"Yeah, right. But you'd keep going back out there for fucking more."
"That's how you learn, right? Now I just totally rave on anything and everything that comes my way. Cool, huh?"
"You still get nailed, though, buddy. But I've gotta admit that you recover so damn quickly nowadays. Hey, we all get nailed. I got hammered by a wave the other day and I really thought I was gonna fucking drown. I was trying to paddle over it but my timing was really shit, and this huge thing took me down big time. It seemed like I was under the water for waaaay too many seconds, and I was beginning to fucking panic cos it was taking me so long to reach the surface. My lungs were on fire by the time I breathed fresh air again. Pretty fucking scary."
"Yeah, right. You've forgotten about that time at Long Beach, you smartass grommet. Remember that? You going over the falls shortly after you'd just started learning to surf? You were totally nailed to the fucking deck, spluttering and coughing and freaking. Cody saw what was happening and he helped you to get back onto your stick, and head back into the fucking surf. Hey, what's the matter?"
"You're all teary."
"Can't help it. Cody saved my life that day."
"The Codeman saved a lotta lives, Winger. More than you'll ever know."
"Not yours. You're an ace surfer."
"I'm not just talking about surfing, buddy."
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