January 28, 2002
I read my last interview with Code yesterday. It was posted December 2000. I wanted to interview him again about the changes in his life, but he was either too busy or whatever. So I'd like to interview you about your impressions of Code, and also about yourself.
1. You met Code some years ago when you were a grommet. From memory, you were 15 at the time, and Code was 16. Can you remember your first impressions of him?
Steve: I met Cody in the surf. The first thing I noticed was him taking off on a grauncher and making the cut. When I met up with him on the beach I told him that it looked pretty rad. Right away I was hooked on his smile and how friendly he was and how awesome looking. You need to understand me in a way because I used to jack looking at guy pics in mags and would check out the guys in the surf, something that I couldn't understand because I was supposed to be str8, and here was this dude chatting to me, and on the beach we became friends. That night I jacked thinking about Cody for the first time.
2. If you could bottle one of Code's qualities, which one would it be?
Steve: The way he made you feel like you were the only friend he had, and the way he would express love with me as if it was the most natural thing in the world for the two of us to be lovers. If you had a problem it became his problem. His friendship had no boundaries and he never judged people.
3. If Code could have bottled one of your qualities, which one would it have been?
Steve: I dont know. Cody used to tell me how good looking I was and what a great bod I had. He made me feel worthwhile about just everything, and I feel that I did nothing but disappoint him so many times. The way I feel right now ..... there's nothing worth bottling.
4. To have the awesome looks and body you have would seem to us mere mortals to be an automatic ticket to happiness. Is it?
Steve: Well, B, I dont need to tell you that answer. You know it already. I guess its a bit like me looking at Codys mountain every day and never noticing it because its always there, but Cody would look at it every day and admire it every single time and never take it for granted. If I was honest with myself, the only real happiness that I ever had in my entire life was the times that Cody and I spent together, and now that's gone.
4a: Code told me once that he never saw himself as a hunk, and he had a complex about the size of his lips. How did you see him?
Steve: When I tell you that Cody filled a room [with light] when he walked into it, I wouldnt be exaggerating. Cody had this comp about his lips but you never noticed them because they belonged to him. He also used to go on and fucking on about how come we had sixpacks and he could do a 100 situps a day and have nothing. He had a beautiful bod with a flat stomach, and his sixpack was there when he moved. He had awesome meaty pecs, and his shoulders were broad and strong with prominent biceps and shoulder muscles. He had awesome thick black hair and eyes that laughed. His skin was smooth, and when you caressed him you could feel the solid muscle underneath. Cody could wear a fucking sack and look like the most beautiful guy youve ever seen. I could go on and on about the whole of Cody :) but yeah well ......
5. Why do you think Code fell in love with:
Steve: Im not sure again. Maybe it's only because of his friendliness towards me on the beach and I immediately took to him. He had this pair of briefs with like an African print on it and he wore that one of the first times that I met him at his house. He just came to the door with these on and didnt bother to get dressed. When I cracked a boner he did as well and I had the idea then that we might end up being more than just surf buddies. I hurt Cody a lot and I regret every fucking minute of it. Like the time I slept with Steph. It wasnt that I slept with Steph that fucked his brain. It was the betrayal of a friend that really screwed him over. I dont think our friendship ever got back to where it was after that, although Cody never showed it. Whey he continued to see me as a friend only he knew.
Steve: I think it started out because Wingnut is a cutie and lived next door and a lot of the time was a fucking pest (hahaha I guess a bit like Cody if he saw you as a friend) until you got to know him and start to notice him and see that hes a teen hunk with the most amazing body for his age. His personality is a lot like Codes was but he lost the same tolerance when Cody was killed. He doesn't put up with any crap and has gotten incredibly aggro. He loved Cody probably more than anyone and saw Cody as his older brother and teacher, and I guess lover as well, and I wonder how far it wouldve gone. Cody loved him because he was so funny and full of fun, and I guess because he was so hot as well. None of us will ever realise what he's going through right now.
Steve: Its difficult to understand the Mark relationship, and I found out more about that reading your stories than I knew. Mark carried a lot of baggage and was often in moods, but Cody was able to break down the barriers and I think he helped Mark more than Mark would care to admit. That they became lovers totally floored me because Mark is the total definition of a heterosexual teen hunk with looks and a body that would make even guys take a second look. When he was in a good mood he had the most amazing personality. I think Cody helped Mark to come to grips with the fact that friendship is cool and good for you, and Mark saw in Cody a friend that he could trust with his life if needed. I'm sure that Code saw Mark as a challenge and hunk and wanted him badly enough to fight for him.
Steve: I think it was Mark that got Cody connected with Steph because he was worried about Cody not having a girlfriend and maybe becoming weird hahahaha. Although it started off very slow, Cody and Steph fell in love with each other and I think Cody saw in Steph a partner that he could easily share his life with. I think Steph also accepted and understood Codys love for his friends and maybe suspected how far that love extended. To see the two of them together was magic, and they had a beautiful open relationship and spoke about anything. Why Steph agreed to sleep with me I dont know. Maybe to try a different guy and test her own love for the Codeman? I dont know.
Steve: This may sound crazy but I got the impression that out of all of Codys friends you were the one that made the biggest impression on him and his life. Because of his sexuality Cody had nobody to speak to. Well not an adult anyway. In fact not even his friends, except for Paul, until you came along. You were the ears for him to speak about anything to, and he relied on your advice to help him when he was in trouble or upset. He told you about the rape and I only found out about it after he was gone, and I wished that he had trusted any of us enough to tell us that saga. Actually its not a trust thing but he was embarrassed by the whole thing that it could happen I guess. Codys anti drug campaign became almost an obsession with him after that. You actually stopped him from committing suicide one time and my brain fries whenever I imagine him and Paul lying lifeless together and me never getting the opportunity to ever know him.
[The rape of Cody is told in Daniel's Diary by the character Matt. It begins at Part 70. MrB]
6. You often worked with Code on his web site. He had lots of friends and a busy life. Why do you think he felt the need to create a web site, and tell the world about himself? Also, why haven't you felt that need?
Steve: Cody loved writing and playing with graphics. The website was an out for him to do that. Fucking dangerous but he went ahead anyway. It was like a challenge for him. I could never do that because I would be too scared of being found out. Anyway I enjoyed working with him and helping him with his graphics and stories so why go and create even more work for myself. Those were special times for the two of us.
7. When Code told me about his life, he would use the first person. But when he wrote adventure stories about him and TJ, he saw himself in the third person. Why do you think that was?
Steve: It was partly my idea because it would enable him to get inside the head of all of his characters like TJ and also to be in a place other than where Cody or TJ were.
8. Like Code, you're not stereotypically gay. In fact, like Code, you have very masculine qualities. You're also bi. What is it that attracts guys like you and Code to other guys? Is it purely physical, or are there other considerations?
Steve: Before Cody I knew that there was something different about me in that although I would screw one girl after the other I would always fantasise about guys even when Im with them (the girls). Cody made me realise how natural it was to be who I was and the way I was. He taught me how to love rather than just have sex. I dont think my attraction to Cody was physical in the beginning. His personality totally took over, but when I met him at home wearing almost nothing and he would get out of the shower and not even cover up in front of me. Then the physical side came out. Before Cody I think it was purely physical and nothing else. I was desperate to one day sleep with a guy. I couldnt have had a better teacher. I dont think that the love between two guys who are friends is ever just physical, and often isn't because of restriction we place on ourselves.
9. I wish I'd heard Code's voice and laugh. I know those kinda things are difficult to describe, but can you give it a shot? You might take a shot at describing your own, Wingnut's and Mark's as well.
Steve: I must tell you guys that we dont speak with a heavy dutch accent. All of us are English speaking Safricans and often we are mistaken for being Aussies. I found that when I was in Europe. Cody's voice was like full of fun and laughter and when he laughed you had to laugh as well even if you didnt think it was funny. Wingnut had a very young voice but it matured without it even breaking and, yeah, I guess he sounds like a normal young teen. Marks voice is very mature and he could be an announcer I guess. Describing voices is hard. Mine? Dunno hahaha.
10. This is not a question, but a statement. I'm 57, but I still remember the guys I loved as a teen or in my twenties like it was yesterday. I remember every detail. I've even written stories about them - Ron, Kurt, Daryl, Chris, Sam, etc. It'll be the same with you. You'll never forget Code. You'll get on with your life, but Code will always be there. I just thought you'd like to know that being a fossil doesn't dim the memories. OK, so here's the question: You obviously have many fond memories of Code, but of all of them, which one stands out the most?
Steve: To pick one out of thousands is very difficult. Right now I get tears in my eyes when I think of times that we would just sit in his room. If I was upset about something he would put his arm around me and we would talk and talk and then he'd get me to lighten up and laugh. If ever I've needed him, it's right now. You're right, I will never ever forget Cody. Not as long as I live. And dying will never be a problem, knowing that my the best friend I ever had is going to be on the other side.
Thanks for answering the questions, Steve. Now that I've read them, I'd like to make a comment or two. First about what Code would have bottled in relation to your qualities. If he'd known what you're going through now, he would have bottled your courage. I know I would. I'd also talk to a bottle manufacturer about making bottles that pecs could fit into hehehe. Which leads me to this: You're a hahahaha person, and Code was a hehehehe person. I've got a feeling that your laugh is more boisterous than his was. He was probably more of a giggler, and you're more of a guffaw dude. But that's cool. You guys would have made a kinda laughing choir, with the hehehes complementing the hahahas. Hehehehe. Yeah, I know. I'm crazy. But the Codeman thought crazy was cool, so that'll do me.
I can't thank you enough for having "emerged" after Code's death. I'd never heard a single peep from you in all the time I knew Code. It means that Code is still making a difference, and making a diff was what Code was all about. He made a huge difference to everybody he met. I don't even wanna think about where I'd be or who I'd be if it hadn't been for my meeting the Codeman. Thanks for giving us your impressions of Code's personality and character, as well as your own, Steve. It's gratifying to know about the sparkle in Code's smiling eyes, and the laughter in his voice. Meantime, don't judge yourself too harshly, mate. Code hasn't finished with you yet. Not by a fucking long shot. You're only just beginning to blossom. :o)
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