Florida, USA
Part 8

After we'd turned off the toll road, and headed toward Disney World, Joshua asked me to grab his bag from the back seat. "There's a spare purple shirt in there... silk, of course."

"You gonna wear that instead of your costume?"

"No... you're wearing it."

"Fuck that! I don't wear silk shirts. Too wussy. Besides, I wanna see the gay guys checking out my nipples."

"You wanna get me fired?"

"No."

"Then put the fucking shirt on."

"You cussed."

"I'll do more than cuss if you don't put the shirt on. Now hurry up, we're almost there."

"So how come Donald Duck doesn't wear pants?" :-P

When we arrived at Camp Minnie-Mickey, where Joshua worked as a castmember, he explained to his boss that I was his guest.

"Nice shirt, Daniel," the dude remarked.

"Yeah, right."

"Listen, Joshua, how about you take the day off and show Daniel around? We're overstaffed anyway with all the new college program kids that have just arrived. Did you bring a change of clothes?"

"Yep, always do. And thanks. C'mon, Daniel."

We drove to Magic Kingdom where we didn't have to wait to go through the parking gates, 'cause Joshua used the Cast Member line. Once we got to the point where we had to pay, the attendant waved us on.

"See that sticker on the windshield? That gives me special parking privileges on the property."

"Cool."

"We'll still have to use the Guest parking lot, though. I can't take you backstage."

"Why not?"

"Strict rule. If you don't work for Disney, you don't go backstage. That's it."

Joshua had chosen Magic Kingdom as our first stop 'cause that's where the Ticket and Transport Center [TTC] was. You could buy a ticket to anywhere in the park from there, and it also had the monorail, ferry, and buses.

Occasionally, as we made our way to the TTC, Joshua would recognize some dude. "Air-hair-lair!"

"What's that?" I asked. "Some kinda secret Disney code or something?"

"It's the way the Queen of England says 'Oh, hello'. Try it. Start with air, then hair, then lair. But string all the words together, and don't sound the 'r's'."

"Air-hair-lair." I cracked completely at the totally weird sound of my own voice.

"Raise the pitch."

"Air-hair-lair! Hey, that is so fucking cool! Air-hair-lair!"

At Magic Kingdom, we went to see Timekeeper, featuring the voice of Robin Williams. He was a robot who had created a time machine, and he sent his little buddy Nine-Eyes back to the past. Along the way, they met Jules Verne who wanted to see the whole world. I'd forgotten all about the fact that I was standing in an auditorium 'cause it was a 360 degree theater. It had this way cool effect of making you feel like you were flying through the air as you visited living history. Awesome!

Next, we went to The Haunted House, which was a ride that took us through a huge, dark and creepy old mansion. Our host was a ghost, who introduced us to all the residents. Everything in the mansion creaked and groaned. Then all of a sudden there'd be some lunatic laugh from a three-dimensional spirit that appeared outa nowhere. Spooky as all fucking hell, but there was no way I was gonna let Joshua know that I was freaking big time.

"Were you scared? You look a little pale."

"Nah. It'd take a lot more than a bunch of fake ghosts to freak me out."

"OK, let's go to Tomorrowland for the ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter. You'll love it. I laugh every time I see it. The queens don't, though. They scream their lungs out."

"At what?"

"You'll see."

During the show, I wasn't sure what was freaking me out the most... the constant, piercing shrieks from the queens, or the terrifying aliens that kinda sprung outa the fucking blue and frightened the shit outa me.

"You OK?"

"Fine."

Next came Space Mountain, then Splash Mountain, where we took a death-defying ride down a steep rapid. There was no way we could have seen the whole damn park in one day, though, so we decided to stay at Magic Kingdom for the whole day.

Lunch was at Pecos Bill Cafe, where we had cheeseburgers, salad, and Coke, and where an older gay couple kept gawking at Joshua and me. I recognized them as two of the screaming queens from ExtraTERRORestrial. Eventually, one of them minced over to our bench and gushed with a pronounced lisp, "Forgive me for staring, darlings, but you two absolutely divine creatures make such a delicious couple. I just felt compelled to tell you."

"Air-hair-lair."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nothing. It's just that we're not a couple. Joshua's got Oth."

"Oh! How simply awful! Are you having treatment, Joshua?"

"Oth is a person... he's my boyfriend. Daniel is a friend. He's my guest for the day."

"And he's just adoooorable! Lovely shirt, I must say."

"Yeah, right. Wanna see my nipples?"

"Daniel!" Joshua scolded, and slapped my hand so hard I almost dropped my cheeseburger.

The thing about Disney World that really blew my hair back was the incredible attention to detail. Everything seemed just so fucking magical... beyond comprehension... an overwhelming panorama of sight and sound. You had no choice but to be awestruck at every turn. It was kinda embarrassing in a way 'cause I'd always liked to think of myself as pretty cool. Y'know... like nothing fazed me.

"You seem pretty impressed," Joshua said as we made our way to Pirates Of The Caribbean.

"It's like another world."

"It is. Walt Disney said, "I don't want the public to see the world they live in while they're here. I want them to feel they're in another world.""

"He succeeded... big time. Anyway, it's hot. You sure I can't take off this shirt?"

"Positive. This is a family park."

"What about the Disney water parks?"

"That's different."

"OK... so nipples are cool at the water parks, but they're not cool here."

"I don't make the rules."

"But you agree with them."

"I get paid to agree with them."

By the time we'd seen the Pirates, then taken the infamous It's A Small World Ride, it was getting pretty late. Joshua suggested that we hang around to see the Fantasy In The Sky fireworks after dinner.

"Hungry?"

"Are you kidding? I've never walked so much in all my fucking life! I'm starving!"

"Stop cussing... people can hear you. Let's grab a hot dog and fries, then we can just walk around and check out the crowd."

"Walk? More? Jeez!"

I'd never seen so many gay guys in one place before. Thousands of the fuckers. Holding hands, giggling, pursing their lips, flapping their wrists, gushing everytime they saw or said something. And to make it even more bizarre, they were interspersed with the Disney parade of characters... Mickey, Pluto, Donald, Goofy, and whoever. Totally off the fucking wall!

"Why do those gay guys behave like that? None of my buddies do."

"They've turned being gay into an art form."

"Fuck that. Do they always carry on like that? I mean, when they're not here for Gay Day?"

"Maybe... maybe not. Gay Day is just an excuse to get together and let their hair down."

"So this is a family park, and guys are allowed to hold hands, and mince and lisp, but I'm not allowed to take off this shirt? How do you figure that?"

"Like I said, I don't make the rules."

"So who makes 'em? A mouse and a duck?"

I had to admit that the fireworks were totally fucking spectacular, exploding massive, brilliant showers of multi-colors high above Cinderella's Castle, which looked like something outa medieval times with all its spires, turrets, and parapets. It really was another world... past, present, and future.

Once we were in the parking lot, I took off my shirt. "Can't throw me out now," I grinned. "We're leaving anyway."

"Oh, my God!" someone shrieked. "Check that out!"

I smiled at a group of guys, then lifted one of the overall's straps, and let it slide down my shoulder so that my whole pec was showing.

"Stuuuuuuunning!"

"Daniel!"

"Chill, Joshua. We're almost at your car."

A little further on, some young dude who was with his folks yelled, "Hey! How come we didn't see you before? Are you a Disney character?"

"Yep."

"Who?"

"Ever read about Daniel in the lions' den?"

"Yep. It's in the Bible."

"Well, I'm Daniel, and I feed the lions in the Africa Park... by hand."

"Really? Wow! That's totally awesome! Can I have your autograph?"

"Sure. You got a pen, Joshua?"

"You kinda look like a blonde Tarzan," the kid enthused as I signed my name on a piece of paper.

"I do?"

"Yeah... wicked muscles. I wanna be just like you when I'm older. You wanna give my mom and dad an autograph?"

"Sure."

"Oh, Timmy," his mom smiled with embarrassment, "Daniel doesn't want us all annoying him."

"It's no problem ma'am. Hey, believe it or not, I don't often get asked for my autograph. Not many people see me out with the lions. And even when they do, there's no way they're gonna leave the safety of the Safari Jeep."

"Well... if you're sure it's no trouble," she said as she handed me a small notebook.

"No trouble at all, ma'am. Would you like my autograph, too, sir?"

"That would be wonderful, Daniel. Yes! Thanks very much."

"My pleasure."

"Are the lions your friends?" the wide-eyed kid asked.

"Yep. When they're around me, they're like kittens. Well, helluva big kittens."

"Wow! You must be sooooo brave!"

"Actually, you've got no idea just how brave," I replied, realizing that Joshua was gonna give me hell on the drive back to his place. "It's just a matter of not showing fear. Lions respect that. But don't you go trying it, Timmy. OK? It takes a lotta practice."

A couple more gays had ogled my chest and gone into a total tizz by the time Joshua and I had reached the Buick. He hadn't said a word, so I figured he was mad at me.

"Why did you lie to those people?" he demanded as he inserted the key into the ignition, then studied my face before starting the engine.

"Hey! They thought I was way cool. Did you see the looks on their faces? They wanted to believe that I fed the lions, just like they wanted to believe in ghosts and pirates and Mickey Mouse and castles and whatever. What's wrong with that?"

"You're totally outrageous."

"That's me, dude."

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