There was no fucking way in the world that I was gonna piss on my buds while Lindy and Greg were watching. I also stopped Paul and Dick from following me to the bathroom. As I watched my yellow stream plummet into the toilet bowl, I wondered about this sudden invasion of straight guys into my gay world. Out of the blue, there would be restrictions -- not imposed out of spite, but imposed nevertheless. My freedom to behave as I liked was being strangled.
"What's the big deal?" Lindy asked as I returned to the pool. "I saw you pissing against a tree at school, remember? You were so damn proud or your firehose then. So what's changed?"
I dove into the pool without answering. What the hell was I gonna say? That my buds enjoyed me pissing on them? She'd think it was totally fucking gross, and so would Greg. It was then that I began to realize that being gay in a straight world wasn't gonna be as easy as I thought.
The rest of the afternoon was a bummer. The guys lost interest, piled into Dick's Rabbit and went home. Greg walked Lindy back to her place after they'd realized that the party vibes had soured. Sam was last to leave as I saw him to the front door.
"I'm not sure what went wrong, Daniel, but I hope it wasn't my fault. I know you've always thought I was a spoilt brat."
"No, dude, it wasn't your fault -- and you've changed. You're a pretty cool guy now. Did you have a good time?"
"Wicked! It was just so damn rad! I wish I could stay in Tampa, but my folks are leaving for home tomorrow."
"At least you'll see Jason again. What's he like?"
"I guess he's a bit like you, only younger. We're best buds. And you're right about how I've changed. Jason kinda beat the crap outa me," he laughed. "Don't answer if you don't wanna, but what was that pee stuff all about?"
"Paul and Dick like me to piss on them."
"Oh, right," Sam nodded as if he understood, even if he didn't. "Well, dude I'd better jet. Thanks for a killer day, Daniel … well, mostly killer. See ya when I'm back in town."
I watched the kid bounce down the street, stopping every now and then to glance back over his shoulder and wave. Yeah, he'd changed. He was cool.
I'd only just downloaded my email when Greg walked into my room -- uh, our room. "You've got some explaining to do, man. Lindy wants to know what she did wrong."
"She didn't do anything wrong, man, and I've got nothing to explain."
"Jimothy?" he said looking at the monitor. "What kind of a name is that?"
"A seven-letter one."
"Can I read his email?"
Dear Great Daniel: King of all boys and pizza toppings
Ya know i dont know if you try to make me feel really good when you write back, but you also ways do. Awwwww Jimothy is getting all mushy and slushy. Ya see this week has been kinda weird. the only productive thing i've done all week is work on my new invention. its a glittering cock piece! it’s a pretty self-explanatory concept. i bought a jock-strap and colored it black then put sliver glittery sparkles all over the cock part. Why? well mainly because im going to see Marilyn Manson on Sunday, but its always been my dream to make cock accessories.
Im going to the doctors tomorrow. i got a new doctor. I wonder if new doctors have a "new doctor smell"? Ya know when i was little and i got a new toy i would try to open it in the car on the way home but my mom never let me. what could possibly be so bad about playing with toys in the car... i mean really.
oh well. but i might have mono. which would be kinda bad. Either way masturbation is always a good solution for everything. The doc would be like "jimothy, i hate to tell you this but you have mono" and i would be like "please be quite, im trying to masturbate"
but if i did have mono then i wouldn't be able to take gym. YA! last year gym was nice because there was this nice blonde haired blue eyed ripe white boy that i watched undress every gym class... he left the school. i hope it wasn't because of me. but this year the only boy in my class worthy of even blinking at is this chicken legged oafish stick boy.... my point is if there are no nice boys to watch then screw gym! nonono let me rephrase: if there are nice boys then they should screw jimothy :)
Well........... time to go sparkle the cock piece more.
"Is that guy for real?"
"He's the funniest guy I know."
"Funny ha-ha or funny weird? And what's with the Dear Great Daniel. King of all the boys and pizza toppings bullshit?"
"He likes me."
"So do I, but I don't go on with all that lamo crap."
"True. Your lamo crap is much different -- so different, you don't even notice it."
"Are you calling me homophobic?"
"Have you ever heard of heterophobic?"
"'Cause there's no such word."
"Why not? Why should straights have the sole right to judge gays and have a negative attitude toward them? We don't judge you guys."
"We're the majority, dude, or hadn't you noticed? Besides, what you guys do is unnatural."
"Unnatural? OK, so if we weren't created by nature, which created everything on the fucking planet, where did we come from? And how come you don't complain when you're fucking my face?"
"K, it's not normal, then."
"Einstein wasn't normal either. Normal is average, dude. It's like being five feet, ten inches tall with a mortgage and 1.2 kids, and mowing the lawns on weekends. Fuck that."
"Listen up, Daniel. Whether you like it or not, I'm your step bro now, and you've gotta make some changes."
"You've got it wrong, dude. You're the one who's gotta make some changes. I didn't walk into your fucking house, dude, you walked into mine."
"Correction, Daniel, I walked into Nancy's. How much does your mom know about the stuff you do? And I figured out what the pee thing was about this afternoon. Golden showers, right? I've heard about that gay stuff."
"Gay stuff? Have you checked the fucking news groups, man? The piss groups are 99% hetero! Anyway, I don't wanna argue about this bullshit any more. I don't shine a fucking torch in your face and ask you a bunch of questions about what's going on in your head. So leave mine a-fucking-lone. OK?"
After Greg had left the room, I wrote to Kyle asking him for advice. It wasn't that I didn't like Greg -- I did. And I knew that he liked me tons. But this was the second argument in two days -- a tug-o-war between his values and mine -- straight vs gay -- bro vs bro -- while sharing the same room. Andy and mom would be home at the end of the week and Greg and I needed to sort out this fucking mess.
I also wrote to Jimothy thanking him for his email which I thought rocked big time. He had the whackiest sense of humor I'd ever come across, and he always made me crack. He was also bi, so maybe he could understand and appreciate all aspects of the sexual spectrum. Unlike the wowsers with their dumb, sexual hangups, Jimothy saw the humorous as well as the human side. He was one special dude, and I dug him tons.
"It's for you," Greg said as he opened the door and handed me the portable phone. Then he left me alone.
"Hi, Daniel, it's Lindy. Are you OK?"
"I'm sorry about this afternoon. It was the pee thingy, right? I guess I shouldn't have been so damn inquisitive, but I was just curious."
"It's cool, Lindy. No biggie. So how's it going with you and Greg?"
"Cool! He's a funky guy, but we're just friends, nothing too serious. He's got an awesome bod, though."
"Yeah, it's wicked. Yours is pretty wicked too, by the way."
"You noticed?" she laughed. "I thought you were gay."
"So? I've got eyes, y'know."
"Sorry, Daniel, I seem to be putting my foot in my mouth a lot lately. Are you and Greg getting along OK?"
"We have our moments."
"I don't really wanna talk about it, Lindy. It's kinda personal."
"Cool. Well, tell the guys I'm sorry for breaking up the party, OK? I didn't mean to. And, listen, if you ever wanna chat, just call. OK? I'm your friend, remember."
"Thanks, Lindy. I will."
As I walked into the living room to replace the portable on the coffee table, Greg was watching TV when he noticed me. "What did Lindy have to say?"
"Jeez, you really are fucking thick sometimes, Greg."
"OK, OK, so I'm thick sometimes. So, unthick me."
I totally cracked at the word 'unthick'. It was like a breath of fresh air that magically swept away the built-up aggro between us. Within a second, he was laughing, too, even though he probably didn't know what was tickling my funny bone. What mattered most was the fact that we were both in hysterics. We really needed to laugh, and to crawl out from under the blanket of bullshit that was smothering our friendship.
"I'm feeling as fucking horny as hell, man."
"Well, I was wondering…"
"It's unnatural, remember?"
"Gimme a break, Daniel. I'm new at all this stuff. I'll get used to it, I promise."
"Before we do anything, dude, I want you to read something. It's from Kyle."
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Diary Part 77