Daniel - dude - how the fuck am i supposed to react to your email? ive read it like a hundred times now. so ive kinda put myself into your shoes - or sorta into your boxers - and tried to figure out the whole scene.
ive got the same sorta relationship with mark - who is a paranoid str8 dude - but you know that already. fact is i care for him a helluva lot. sometimes i lie in bed at night and i get so fuckin down cos i know that our friendship is not gonna go further than it is. i want to get into his skin and wrap myself around him and feel his warmth right up close. but at the same time - my friendship with him is so precious and fantastic that i dont dare do anythin to spoil that. it would fuckin kill me if he turned around and told me to fuck off outta his life. its a totally different relationship to the one i have with steve - which is very physical and very close - and well you know all that.
so now youre decidin to label yourself gay - well buddy - dont do it. ive learnt over the last coupla months that - for me anyway - paintin myself into a fuckin corner wont work. ive toldya about steph and how great she is - well i kinda like her a lot and the more we see of each other the closer we get. at the same time i love steve and mark as well - steve and me are physical and mark and me have this really great friendship. at the same time theres wingnut who doesnt see black and white - for him anythin is normal - nope not the gay stuff, that would kinda freak his brain. but just bein natural about who you are and hes as natural as they come - a bit like you.
a while back before i kinda str8ened things out for myself i thought about this comin out stuff - and then i got totally fuckin depressed when i realised what would happen. i know for a fact that mark would disappear outta my life - and i love him too much for that to happen. steve would probly do the same tho - cos hes got this image to protect. wingnut would not be allowed to see me again. my buddies at school would crucify me. funny enuf steph might accept me - wierd huh?
so ill tellya what. let the friendship between you and jason blossom to what mark and me have got. let things flow. i know how you feel about lovin him and bein different but his feelins for you might be different - he might define love differently. i would say its a friendship that youre gonna haveta protect cos i know how you and paul are and hey - i know that paul lovesya - he got shitfaced jealous when you and me got together. but i know why - cos he lovesya more than anythin. and i know that you feel somethin helluva special for him as well.
what worked for me might not work for you buddy. but at the moment its goin ok.
as for comin out - well youre gonna need to so some serious fuckin soul searchin cos its not gonna be easy. i wouldnt do it - for a whole lotta reasons - the main one bein that i am not hundreds about puttin a label on my forehead.
wanta know what i really think? i think that you and me are probly two of the most outrageously fuckin NORMAL dudes on the planet. dont start judgin yourself - fuck knows there are enuf people judgin others already who know fuck all about anythin.
you are one special fuckin dude daniel - not just to me - to a million fuckin teens out there - male female gay str8 normal abnormal.
whatever you decide or dont decide - youll always be a special friend to me - you helped me once when i thought i was a freak - you helped me to see how normal i was - so dont start beatin yourself over the head cos youre havin doubts about yourself.
as for greg - well greg knows youre fuckin outrageous and hell stand by you whatever happens. hes more than your brother - hes your live-in friend - how awesome is that.
so dont get the guilts about dumpin your baggage on me - i wouldnt be here if not for you. and dont start your emails by askin what the surf is like - you want to know if my dick is drippin - be honest - hehehe - i saw who the mail was from and my briefs were fuckin soaked :)
hey - stop the world for a sec. take a look in the mirror - i guess that youre gonna see one incredibly special teen - not to mention hunky - lookin back atya.
i loveya buddy - i dont know if ive been any help or just confused the shit outta ya.
I read Kyle's email several times before it all sunk in. Five o'clock in the morning had never been a good time for me to do serious thinking, but I figured I'd better reply while I had the chance before school.
so which part of me was the kiss meant for? hehehe and is ur dick drippin? hey dude i hear where ur comin from -- i think. duh! ur sayin that i should treat jason like u treat mark -- well theres a coupla things i gotta sort out first. i know that ive got some kinda power where i can influence dudes and jasons the kinda dude whos like some empty vessel waitin for me to fill it with stuff outa my head -- if u get my drift its like im thinkin ive got some kinda responsibility to stop influencin guys the way i do cos maybe theyre right and im not. but then i think about how i influenced u and ur paul and stopped u guys from offin urselves that time -- and i think about how ive influenced greg and nick to get rid of their fuckin homophobia -- so its like im some bearded dude on a mountain handin out the ten daniels hehehe -- anyway the diff between you and mark and me and jason is that mark doesnt know ur gay or at least he doesnt know that u do gay stuff -- or maybe he just doesnt wanna know -- anyway my prob is that if jason and i become buds im gonna feel kinda guilty if he thinks im somebody im not -- and its like im denyin all my other buds by not bein totally fuckin honest.
as for labels well i figure weve all got em stamped on our foreheads whether we like it or not and its not us who put em there -- its other guys who label us cos of who they think we are. im sure theres a lotta guys at school whove stamped jerk on my forehead -- so who gives a fuck.
mom andy and me were talkin some pretty cool shit last night about this gay oscar wilde dude who said that conscience makes egotists of us all -- anyway the fact that this dude was gay didnt faze mom or andy at all so i couldnt help wonderin what theyd think if they knew about the stuff i do -- prob is im not sure i wanna risk it -- what would they think if they knew id blown enough boy juice to flood the whole of fuckin tampa already! and then some! woohoo!
anyway i think ur right about what works for u mightnt work for me -- u know that expression about takin a leaf outa some dudes book? so theyre talkin about a leaf and not the whole fuckin book and i guess that means we can learn from each other but not copy each other if that makes sense -- actually that reminds me of somethin i said to greg the other day -- i told him that the world doesnt need another daniel it needs a greg -- hey i could be turnin into a fuckin philosopher or somethin!
just so u know it kyle i really appreciate u writin me and tellin me all that shit -- im gonna think about everythin u said and let it roll around in my brain [what there is of it] -- but i figure ill be like takin a leaf outa ur book but not the whole book -- im gonna hafta figure this one myself cos no two probs are ever the same -- ill let u know how i go -- wish me luck dude.
and u know somethin else? remember that time i was layin in the top bunk in ur room and u were askin me how i wanted to remember u? well i figure im never gonna forget that night -- its like a part of u kinda melted into me [besides ur fuckin cock] and im gonna carry it around with me forever -- so what kinda label would i stamp on ur forehead? i dunno man cos theres too fuckin many hehehehe but theyre all way damn cool. maybe if i had to settle for just one label itd be hero. :)
luvya tons buddy
ps: hey i almost forgot -- last night i told greg that i was gonna go a week without sex cos i hadta do some serious thinkin -- well this mornin i had a confab with my piss boner and i was outvoted three to one [hes got two balls] hehehe. so im gonna go wake greg and give him a blow job. woohoo!
It was about 6am when I knocked on my bro's door. "Greg? It's me. I'm coming in." He was still in bed and all bleary eyed as I sat on the side of his mattress. "How ya doin', bro?"
"I'm OK. Why shouldn't I be?"
"It's been a whole week, dude."
"You've been sleeping a whole damn week. We were all worried about you. We had fucking doctors and all kinds of people checking you out."
He rubbed his eyes, then raised himself onto his elbows. "A week? What day is it?"
"Never mind that, bro. You're awake. That's what matters… as well as my abstinence from sex… it's over."
"Your what? Oh… that. Hey! Are you pulling my leg?" Greg lunged at me and we fell on the floor laughing, with him on top of me. "You shit! You were lying! And you wanna blow me, right? You couldn't last a day let alone a whole fucking week!"
"Your breath stinks, man. Go take a leak and brush your teeth. I'll be here."
"You wanna watch?"
He was giggling as he left the room and, no doubt, was pretty excited by the prospect of being blown. And me? Well, when I read Kyle's email and the part about him and Steve all over each other like a fucking rash, I knew that I wasn't gonna last a week without sex. It was a dumb idea, anyway. What would it have proved? I wasn't Jason, I was Daniel. Why try to be somebody I wasn't?
Greg was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he returned to his room, wearing a towel wrapped around his narrow waist. I was sitting on the side of his bed as he unravelled the towel, then held it in front of him like a bullfighter's cape. "You wanna have a peek at what's for breakfast?" And with that, he swept the towel to one side and revealed his delicious boner. It was always an awesome sight, no matter how many times I'd seen it -- smooth, straight, coffee-colored, and with a prominent knob.
"There still a bit of piss on your slit."
"Consider it a bonus," he laughed, and caused his throbber to bounce. "I didn't jack off last night when you turned me down, so I've got a fucking gallon of juice all saved up, bro. Just the way you like it -- hot, fresh and tasty."
By this time, his knob was just inches from my face and screaming to be sucked. His spicy odor filled my nostrils and caused me to breathe deeply so that I could savor its intoxicating effect. I'd heard that each person has a unique smell, just like they have unique fingerprints, and Greg's was fucking awesome. It was like a cloud that enveloped my brain and shut out all thoughts but one -- to eat him and swallow his boy juice. "You smell totally fucking wicked, Greg."
"I do? OK, I'm the flower and this is my stalk. It needs to be placed in something warm and wet. Hint, hint."
My bro's fingers ran through my blonde hair as he arched his back and sent his crotch forward. My lips bumped over the high ridge of his knob, then ran the length of his solid shaft until his balls rested on my chin and his pubes tickled my nose.
"Fuck! Daniel! You do that so damn well. Keep that tongue busy, man. Ohhhh! So fucking niiiice!"
Pretty soon, his pelvis was pumping at full throttle, sending his iron-hard six inches to the back of my throat, before it retreated again for another stab. At one stage, he got so damn carried away that his boner fell outa my mouth and, as he thrust it forward, it slammed into my face along with his balls. But it was cool. I took advantage of the situation and rubbed my face against his spit-covered jewels, and enjoyed the feeling of his hot, hard meat pressed against my skin.
Finally, Greg's hands slid around to the back of my head, then pulled my face toward his crotch. I could hear his muffled groans as his throbber went totally troppo, thumping the roof of my mouth and exploding boy juice like it was going outa style. Meantime, I was alternating between gagging and swallowing as I tried to force his sticky load past my tonsils.
"Fucking hell!" he said softly, while holding my face against his aromatic bush and allowing his thick boy meat to slowly soften inside me. "You're damn good, bro. So damn good to me. That was totally wicked. You know somethin'? I'm one lucky dude."
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Diary Part 121