Part 121

Although Greg was bitching about the time and how he had to get ready for school, I managed to talk him into standing in front of me while I jacked off. "Move around a bit."

"Like how?"

"Like you did at the peephole for the girls."

"But you're not a girl!"

"Just fucking do it, dammit!"

"You're fucking weird, Daniel," he smiled.

It was way awesome to watch the fluid movements of his lithe, smooth bod, almost as if gravity had no affect on him -- as though he was moving effortlessly through water. He was so fit that his bronzed skin clung to his every muscle like cling wrap, and rippled erotically with the slightest gesture. Everything about him was so damn horny, I didn't know where to look -- pecs, abs, shoulders, thighs, cock -- they were all totally fucking rad. I avoided staring at his face, though. It would've made him feel uneasy if I'd looked into his chocolate eyes while I was fisting my boner.

It was when he about faced and parked his satin buns in front of my face, then lifted one leg to reveal his wicked, lickable hole, that I felt the rush begin. It was difficult to focus on his rosebud as my cock exploded and my body succumbed to spasms which blurred my vision, but I imagined sliding my meat into that tight space, and have it grip my shaft as I offloaded my thick, sticky boy juice into his golden brown ass. Whoa!

At school, Jason hung with us during breaks and was becoming more relaxed. I'd previously asked Paul, Freddie, Jo and Benny to chill with the gay thingy until Jason felt more comfortable about it -- not that it was ever the general topic of convo, but I'd noticed that even the slightest reference to gay stuff would cause Jason to blush.

"You really like that Jason dude, huh?" Paul asked as we entered his room. "I can tell."

"Are we gonna go through the fucking jealousy routine again?"

"Hey, I just noticed, that's all. Chill."

For the next few hours, Paul and I did our homework -- I'd figured it'd save time if I did mine at his house instead of going home then coming back to his. I'd already phoned mom to let her know that I'd be there in time for dinner.

When we were done, it was getting pretty close to seven but Paul insisted on blowing me before I left. Well, I guessed I could've thought of worse fates. That kid's lips were pure fucking magic.

"I just wish you had time to piss on me as well."

"Hey, man, you're only grounded for a week, not a fucking year. Pretty soon you'll be sleeping over on Fridays like you usually do."

While his tight, ruby lips ran the length of my shaft, and his tongue worked my knob, I thought about Greg, and how he must've felt that morning. There wasn't a lot that could beat the feeling of an expert head job, and it wasn't the kinda thing you'd wanna say no to once you'd experienced it -- especially if you liked the dude who was giving it to you.

After I'd jetted the last of my creamy wads down my bud's throat, I looked at his cute face which was still stuffed with my slowly deflating meat. I ran my fingers through his soft, jet black hair and gazed into his smiling, blue eyes. "Yeah," I began, "you're right. I like Jason. I like a whole bunch of dudes, including you. I'm here aren't I? I see you more than I see most of the other guys. And when I see you kneeling in front of me, and my blonde pubes hanging over your nose… well, I guess we're about as close as two guys can get." Paul was about to spit my cock outa his mouth when I stopped him. "Leave it in there, dude. I like the way it looks. Besides, you can't fucking argue when your face is full of my meat. So listen up. The diff between you and me is that you're the kinda guy who wants a one on one, but you won't get that from me. I'm not a one on one kinda dude. I like to spread myself around -- I like the excitement and the adventure. Maybe, one day, I'll change, but for now that's the way it is. And if I tried to be what you want me to be, I wouldn't be me. Know what I mean? I figure you like me 'cause of who I am, so who I am's gonna be who I am. Do you understand all this shit?"

Paul nodded, still with my semi in his mouth.

"OK. And just so you know, I think the fucking sun shines outa your ring. You've got a totally cool bod, a wicked personality and I dig hanging with you. We're buds. OK?"

He nodded again.

I was in my room answering email when there was a knock on the door. "Daniel?"

"C'mon in, mom."

"Writing your friends again, I see," she laughed as she sat on my bed. "You're a lucky young man, Daniel. You make friends easily."

"Maybe too easily."

"Is that what's been bothering you lately?"

"Huh?" I turned to face my mom.

"Well, something's been bothering you. I'm your mother, remember? I've known you since… well, even before you were born. So what's the problem?"

"It's not really a problem, mom, at least it shouldn't be. I know this sounds kinda weird, but it's like there's not enough of me to go around."

"Ah! Just like your father. He had so many friends, some of them would complain that he wasn't giving them enough time. Then, when he and I decided to go steady, many of them took it as a personal insult."

"So what did he do?"

"He just shrugged and said they could make up their own minds like he'd made up his. Daniel, in life, you can be your own person or you can be the person other people want you to be. If you choose the latter…"

"What's the latter?"

"The last one… you'll end up being so confused you won't know who you the hell you are any more. Be yourself -- that's rule number one. Be true to yourself, and if you are, other people will know exactly what they're getting instead of being misled, or having unrealistic expectations of you."

"So it's cool if I wanna be me?"

"Of course! But first you must decide who you are. You must distinguish between what you expect of yourself and what is expected of you by others. If you allow other people to influence you to a point where you're being untrue to yourself -- to a point where you allow their opinions to manipulate you -- then who are you? A puppet?"

"But you influence me. Greg influences me. Andy influences me."

"We all influence each other, sometimes profoundly. You need to analyze the influence. Does it make you a better person, or does it change the real you? I know this is not easy to understand, Daniel, so let me give you an example. Do you think I've changed since Andy and I married?"



"You're happier."

"But am I a different person to the one you knew before we got married?"

"No, not a different person. I mean, you're like still mom… just a happier person."

"Well, that's the key. The world is full of all kinds of influences, good and bad. Those you choose to accept should enhance the person you already are or, at least, the person you want to be."

"Are you trying to confuse me, mom?"

"Yes, darling. I came in here to make your life a misery."

"I love you, mom."

"Thank you, son, and I love you too, more than anything."

"More than Andy?"

"You're my flesh and blood, Daniel. Nothing could ever be more important than that. But just remember one thing -- if you're going to be influenced, be influenced for the better, and not necessarily because you're being pressured into satisfying other peoples' perception of you."

Kyle must've smelt my scent on the path leading to Jason's front door, so the pile of black and white fur bounded up to the porch like he figured there'd be a treasure chest of bones inside. "Kyle! Come here, boy! C'mon!" I guessed that was one time I should have had him on a leash. Anyway, it was too late. He'd made so much damn noise scratching around and whining that Gran appeared at the door. Big mistake! Kyle took it as an invitation to dart inside and follow my scent to wherever it led.

"Jason! There's a dog in the house! Get it outside immediately!"

"Sorry, ma'm," I said as I approached the door. "It's Kyle. He's OK. He just…"

"I don't want dogs in this house!"

"Kyle! C'mon, boy! Quick!" I yelled, slapping my knee. "I'm really sorry about this, ma'm. I was just taking him for a walk and…"

"Hi, Daniel," Jason grinned as he led Kyle to the door. "Pretty frisky critter you got here. What is he?"

Border Collie, Labrador cross." As soon as Kyle was by my side, I ordered him to stay, then apologized once more to Gran. "I was wondering if it would be OK if Jason walked the dog with me."

"Ten minutes. No more."

We'd only gone a few yards when Kyle was again sniffing every tree and post in sight. "Cool dog," Jason remarked. "I've never had one, even though I've always wanted one. Gran says they make a mess."

"She's right. But it's a mess worth having… unless you tread in it," I laughed.

"I'm really glad you came around. I was thinking about you."

"Like what?"

"I dunno… just thinking. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you -- y'know when Freddie said he was gay the other day at break? You guys seem like pretty cool about it."

"Why shouldn't we be?"

"It's just that a lotta dudes give gays a hard time."

"So what do you think about it?"

"Well, it's wrong. I mean, it's unnatural. But I can see how you guys feel sorry for the dude. You're trying to help him. Right?"


"So why do you let him hang with you?"

"What makes you think we don't hang with him?"

"Hang with a gay guy? Yeah, right, Daniel. Hey, I've got eyes, man."

"And what do they see?"

"See?" He grabbed my arm and forced me to halt. "What kinda question is that?"

I searched his puzzled brown eyes. "What do you think of me?"

"Are you kidding? You're one of the most popular dudes in school. You're on the swim team, you work out, you're… well, kinda hunky, and I'll bet all the girls go crazy, and you've got a bunch of cool friends. I'm not sure I understand the question. Are you asking me if I like you? Sure, I like you. I did from the start, and I figured it'd be way cool if we could be buds."

"Let's go sit on the kerb for a sec."

"What about Kyle?"

"He knows where we are."

I planted my ass on the kerb and drew my knees up, then folded my arms around my shins. Jason followed my example.

"Is something bugging you, Daniel? Don't you like me? Is that it?"

"I've been thinking about a lotta deep shit lately."


"I don't think it would be fair if you liked me without really knowing me."

"What's there to know? Oh! I get it! It's to do with that shit you were talking about the other night, right? Jacking off? Hey, that doesn't worry me any more. It's like your business, man. It's cool."

"When I hadn't known Paul all that long, I found out he was gay, and I freaked."

"Paul? Gay? You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope." I rested my chin on my knee and stared unfocused at the road, but I could sense Jason's eyes drilling me from the side, hoping for some kinda sign that what he was thinking was way outa line.

"But you guys are still buds."


"So…." There was a long silence before he spoke again. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Am I gay? Maybe, maybe not. But Paul and I have gay sex."

Another long silence. "I gotta go. Gran'll be wondering where I am. See ya round."

Kyle was some ways up the road doing his doggy thing while I sat there on the kerb feeling like I'd suddenly become the only person on the planet.

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 Daniel's Diary Part 122